Kummakivi!

   Guys and girls: I finally did it! I went to kummakivi, and I saw the gigantic, unique rock. We drove to the camping spot saturday, then went to Kummakivi and drove home Sunday. I really loved it, it was amazing, the journey and the beautiful landscape we drove through, it looked so different from here at home.

   So now I can cross off another thing on my bucket list, that's amazing! This is the first year I've had one and I'm already crossing so many things off from it, I feel great. I'm finally getting to a point in life where I'm getting to accomplish something and do things I've always wanted to do with my life and in my life. And the most perfect part: I have an amazing significant other who comes along on my adventures with me, how great is that?
   Next step is completing more of the things on the bucket list, but more importantly, I'm of course going to cherish the memories we made on this trip and all the things we saw.
   Also, I hope you enjoy the new video! I know I've been gone for a while, but don't worry there's an explanation coming up soon and you'll get to know and understand everything. Remember to check out my other videos by going to the youtube page here on the blog, and subscribe to my channel so you don't miss out on all the new uploads!

Supporting the Evolving

   As I focus on becoming a better, happier and more contempt person, I find that more and more things make me smile, and that I can much more easily talk to new people. I no longer have a difficult time making phone calls, I can talk to strangers at social events (events I actually want to go to nowadays. But it's more than that too.
   I can actually feel myself growing as a person, as obviously as if I actually grew in size. I learn more and more about different topics and I can't help but wonder what opened my mind. I'm getting better at learning from my mistakes, seeing other people's perspective and not making big deals out of little things. I know more about the world, the people in it and myself than I've never known before, and that's an amazing feeling. I know one of my co-workers has a horse, one has a farm and another one that's going to become a teacher, things I didn't know when I furst started working with them. I know how to speak the beginning scentences of conversational spanish, and so many more things that I didn't know at the beginning of summer. I now know I'm perfectly capable of meditation, and that me and Theo will be perfectly capable of raising our little kitten.
    I know I can let go of things, that I can reach my goals if I focus on them and that I'm capable of more than I could've ever imagined. And the thing is, nothing of that could've been possible without you.
   Because if you're reading this, you're supporting me in one way or another. Maybe you're family, maybe you're one of my friends. Maybe you see me during lectures and stumbled across my blog. Maybe you just read this blog because why not, or to see what todays opinions on political issues are. Regardless of your relationship with me and this little safe haven I've created here, you support me. In all my crazy, weird ideas, all the stuff that I write, in all the oddities I put up for you to read here, you support me.
   Without support, you can't really grow as a person. Without support, you'll forever be stuck with who you've been before, who you're always going to be, and let me tell you something: that's no way to live your life. Evolve, change, dare to think differently from what you're used to. Without support, it's very hard to expand your mind, emotionally, socially and when it comes to knowledge. Without support, it's very hard to evolve at all.
   So thank you, for whatever kind of support you provide, and know that it all means a lot to me. Remember to evolve, to move forward, because you can do it too. Whatever you want to improve; physical health, reading more books, spending more time outside, sleeping more, acheiving more in your career, making more/new friends... Go for it. Because if you don't play the game, you can't win.

My Day Off

   Since today was my first day off in five days, despite the fact that I'm only working parttime, I was planning on making this a productive day, answering emails, stacking wood, doing laundry... aka do all the things I haven't had the time for the past week. But you know me, instead of doing all those things, I instead went on a spontaneous swimming/ volleyball trip to Nykarleby, a small city some kilometres south of here. But that's not how my day started, however.
   I have decided to do more things that scare me, and today I tackled one of them for the first time in a very long time: initiating social interaction with a person I don't know very well, which due to mild anxiety scares me a lot. Me and one of my co-workers have been talking about going out for coffee and get to know eachother better, and a few days ago I asked if she was free this morning, and then we decided to go to Majs Glasscafé in Jakobstad, which was a great choice (the cheesecake was splendid). And we actually hit it off. We talked for almost three hours, non stop about everything from family, to weird names, to work to school. Isn't it wonderful when you find someone you can speak freely with?
   The rest of the day has been spent walking around in Jakobstad, getting myself a case for my guitar for easier transportation when I go to/from Åbo, recycling bottles and food shopping, having a pleasant chat with my parents and trying to plan the tiny trip me and Theo taking this weekend (I'm finally going to be able to cross out another thing on my bucket list, how great is that?)
   Needless to say, I'm now exhausted. I've walked about 10 kilometres today, met more people than I usually do, done things that were completely out of my comfort zone (including jumping from a diving tower) and now I'm finally going to relax a bit and take some time to recharge my social batteries, have a protein yoghurt and drink the milkshake my parents brought me. What a great way to end such an intense day!

Think For Yourself

   I'm a big advocate of thinking for yourself. It's important to think for yourself, not follow the stream and what the other people around you tell you. You have to make your own adventure, you have to figure the world out for yourself, not trust other people's thoughts and perspectives. Be yourself, your whole self and never apologize for what you are, what you think and what you believe.
   I have always said not to judge the people around you from what you hear about them, because it just might happen to be false rumors, meet them and make your own view of who they are and what they do. You shouldn't trust someone else's experience, since people after all do grow and change over time, just like everything else in the universe.
   Make up your own mind, follow your own path and if that makes you different from the other people around you: who cares? The world was never changed by people who all thought the same way, it changed for the better by people who dared to think in different ways, different patterns than all others. Don't be afraid, be yourself and make up your own mind despite whatever happens in your life.

Homesick

   I've been feeling very stressed lately, like there's pressure being put on me regarding everything. School, work, personal life, I even feel pressured to do the things I actually like, like writing or reading. I don't understand where this is coming from, it's not like someone's pressuring me to write my books. I know no one does it, and yet I feel like someone will be disappointed in me if I don't do everything.
   It's also causing me to sleep a lot worse, like I sleep a full 8 hours, but I don't get any good rest, just bad sleep.
   I'm also really looking forward to starting school again, even thought it'll be stressful I think it will be more interesting. I'm so motivated to start studying/working on stuff again, as soon as I get out of this creative rut. I already know what classes I'm going to take, and what I want to do when I get back to Åbo. I'm especially looking forward to the class that's going to kick all of this off: a 1.5 week long field adventure on Husö, a little island, where I'll get to learn all about the ocean and it's inhabitants. I'm really looking forward to it.
   Another thing is, I'm experiencing something that I've never done before: I'm homesick. I miss the apartment, I miss all my stuff, sitting on the balcony studying, eating breakfast in the kitchen, baking, cooking diner for the both of us. I'm also looking forward to introducing Estelle. I want to go to the library again, take pictures by the river, going to class and evolve my mind, learning about new things and learning how the universe works. I can't wait to get back. I miss sleeping in my own bed, I miss my giant teddybear, all my clothes, seeing Theo every day... There are so many things I want to do next year, that I'm planning to do... I'm so excited to get there.
   I also see my parent's house as home, but it's not really the same. Although, I'm homesick sometimes in Åbo too.

Everyone Wants Something

   Lately, I've been feeling like everyone wants something from me. They want favors, advice, help, for me to take care of something for them, get them something, rarely anyone wants to talk to me just to talk, there's always another motive. Most friendships build on this: the whole "I help you, and in turn you'll help me" circle, and as long as that actually works, it's all fine, because that's the way it's supposed to be in friendships.
   But when your so called "friends" stop being around for you, always want your advice or something without giving you something back, like you are their personal amateur psychologist, there is a thing very wrong in your relationship, and I think it's very important to be able to see the difference between using someone and just asking them for some friendly advice. For example, if we meet up several times, and all that happens is that you lay your personal crap on me, there's no time for you in my life, because you're using me. If we meet up, and we both share stories, problems and questions, perfectly fine. Keep in mind that people are not here to please you, because most of us have more than enough crap to deal with without you barging in and claming our time for yourself.
   Everyone needs to lean sometimes. We need to tell our friends secrets or issues, but if all you do when you meet your friends is you complaining about your personal issues, something is clearly wrong. Lean on your friends, it's perfectly fine, but make sure they know it's okay for them to lean on you too. And if you think leaning on your friends is perfectly fine, but them leaning on you is crossing a line, you really need to re-consider what you're doing in that relationship.
   Same goes for you if you're concerned with your friends using you, because despite them doing something wrong in your relationship, you still enable it to happen. There's still something you do that lets them know that it's okay to step all over you and your needs and emotions. Examine yourself, and figure out why you're always there for them, what you're trying to acheive by doing so, and maybe you'll realize that it's time to drop that so called friendship, or you figure out a healthier way for the both of you to coexist.
   People are not here in this world to cater to you, and you are not here to please them either.

Kindness

   I have always thought that when I have the opportunity, I'll change the world for the better. I want to become a marine biologist to improve the lives of the animals in the ocean, if I ever get rich, I'm donating half of what I own to charity, I want to donate blood, organs and so on and so on.
   But those things are pretty far away, even the blood donation (my bloods to thin, so that sucks), but my om always taught me to help, you can't start with the big things, you have to start with smaller things. Like instead of fixing the entire world, start by fixing the smaller things around you. Many small, good deeds lead to a better big reality, and that's something that I've carried with me ever since I was kid.
   Everyone wants to change the world, it's something that's imbedded in all of us: a will to make something better, by every way we can. And if you want to change the world, you have to start small. Do something nice for your neighbor, do the dishes so that your mom can get a break, take some time and spend it with your older relatives. To make a more kind, better world, there are a lot of things we can do, but the thing is, you have to be kind to do that. So that's the place to start. To make a kind, great world, show those qualities yourself.
   Be more kind, more compassionate. Be better, and the world will respond.

Why I've Been Gone: Self Reflection

   So I've been gone for a while, a while which has made me come to some rough realizations about myself and the way I treat myself.
   I realized that I am not as well as I thought I was, something was rough to see. I am getting better, but I'm not great, not yet. I feel better, but not well. I still have a lot of things to work on, including how I handle feelings and what I let get to me. I don't understand why certain things get to me, why some people get to me more than others, and I've finally decided to not let those things and people bother me anymore. Only I have power over what hurts me.
   I've also realized that I don't handle criticism very well, and that I need to express my emotions more. I need to talk about what I think, feel and my opinions, and not just on the internet. Out there, in the real world, face to face with actual humans. But I'm scared of that, since I have always gotten ridiculed for them, and I don't want to share my opinions and thoughts directly to people. I'm also more comfortable with expressing my thoughts in writing.
   I've also been told something interesting about people close to me, and even though there are still things that bother me, like always having to apologize first and people being petty, I realize now that I can't ask this person to evolve in that way, simply because I think it would make them better, they have to evolve on their own, and there's nothing I can do about that.
   I've also been thinking that I should spend more times doing a lot of things. I don't blog anymore, I don't photograph anymore, and I don't write as much. I miss doing all of those things, and I should really start doing them again. I'm not going to change that overnight, but there are some things I need to change.
   So you know, here's a little list of the things I want/need to change for myself to become happier again

• Surround myself with happy people: let's get away from all the annoying, negative people on the earth, because how am I supposed to feel good around people who don't set out to be positive and happy?
• Start working out more: this one speaks for itself. I am loosing weight and getting in better shape, but I'm 100% sure that I can improve on it
• Read more: also, kinda explains itself. I always talk about improving myself, but I know I could put more effort into it. If Roosevelt could read one book a day during his precidency, I can put more effort into reading too.
• Sleep more, and drink more water: I do both of these way too little as it is, and if I'm ever going to get my life together, this is a good starting point. At least eight hours of sleep every night and two litres of water every day from now on.
• Express myself creatively again: drawing, writing, painting... All that. Give me more of that.
• Stop caring what people think about me: Most people don't even care, and I should apply that more to myself.
• And last but not least; Do both what I have to, and what I want. I haven't been able to fit both of these in my life since forever, and I want to find a balance.
  

Krombidan

   In celebration of Krombidan (a day where we celebrate the existance of our municipality), I decided to go and take Theo to see the celebrations. He hasn't been before, so me taking him for the first time seemed fitting. I'm also feeling surprisingly good today, despite my high fever yesterday evening (my throat and nose are still acting up, but my temperature is actually decent now, so I'll remain optimistic for the time being.
   Since we're quite the small community, our celebrations weren't what you'd call grand, but they were interesting and fun. An exhibit of old photos, coffee, stands across the streets, lots of activities for children, garage sales and so on and so on.
   For me personally, I mostly enjoyed the old cars that were on display, and the icecream we decided to eat on the grass by the river. I liked spending some time outside of my bedroom, not sitting on my bed covered in blankets, shivering from fever, with a headache exploding my brain. I somehow think it was exactly what I needed to feel better, and I even got to take some beautiful pictures while we were there.
   I feel better today, a lot better. But now I'm going to relax by introducing Theo to Doctor Strange, another masterpiece which he has somehow managed to escape watching. I need to relax a bit, because before I sat down, my legs felt like Jell-O.

On The Subject of "Best Friends"

Source: Pintrest

   Let me begin this blogpost by saying that I love my friends, that I am insanely blessed to have so many different crews (3 in total), who love me just like I am, never judge me for anything, and always support my passions. Know that I am increadibly grateful for all of these people, I know that I am incredibly blessed to have more friends than most people have, because they tend to keep small, closed circles. I can tell my friends everything and anything, and they always listen, they're always there for me.
   That being said, I have never had a best friend. As a child, I didn't really understand the concept. Why would you need to choose a friends to be more tight with than anyone else? Were they special or something? How did people pick them? Sometimes, girls would tell me we were best friends and I would kinda just go alone with it, because doing otherwise would obviously be very mean of me. I just didn't get the concept of why one of your friends needed to be the best one.
   But now that I'm older, I'm kind of envious of the bond other women have with their best friends. They seem to have a special connection, something that I don't understand. Because I don't have any friends left from when I was a kid (off the few ones I had, since I was bullied throughout my childhood) because I evolved in a completely different way than they did (attending university, moving away from my parents and all that), I sometimes envy the people who have known their bestfriends for 10+ years when they're my age. I would not like to know any of those people from 10+ years back today, but I would like the same type of connection. It's something I've never had, and now I sometimes feel like I'm on the outside.
   Because women do everything with their best friends. They talk about crushes, they drink together, eat together, have sleepovers, and for some goddamn reason, they go to the bathroom together?! I simply don't get it. Why would you ever share a bathroom with someone?
   Also, best friends seem to talk on the phone for hours, constantly be available for eachother, and I don't understand how they do that? I live with my boyfriend, and we're still not available for eachother 24/7. How?! What kind of magic do these women possess that I'm suddenly missing out on, and what's even more perplexing: how do you find someone who puts up with you constantly for 10+ years?
   This is a social construct that I don't understand, and something that I might not even understand in my lifetime. Girl-Girl best friendship is an amazing, magical thing, and it amazes me because I have no freaking clue what it means and how they obtain something like this.
    If you have a best friend, please don't be offended by this post, I love all of you and this is not meant to be hurtful. I just wanted to explore this topic of something that I don't understand and I'm curious about. I love all of you just the same, no matter if you have a best friend or not.
   Now I'm going to go to sleep, since I'm actually home sick with a fever right now, and I need some relaxing and sleeping so I can get well as soon as possible, because I have so many things that are either going on, or coming up, and I want/need to be well for all of those things to properly happen.

Authentic

From Ad Age

   There are a lot of scary things in the world, that's no secret. Hurricanes, violence, volcano erruptions, war, corrupt politicians, but one of the most common fears people seem to have, is to be honest with the world about themselves. Because "faking it" is easy, it comes with no price if it fails, it's very easy to be liked, socially accepted or popular, depending on what you want to acheive of course.
   Being honest about yourself is a lot more scary. It opens you up for mockery, disbelief, doubt, getting strange looks, and sometimes even hatred. Because you're not going to care if someone dislikes you for the things you fake, you care when they hate you for the things you love or support.
   I remember what it felt like to start being open about my personality, my illnesses and my hopes, dreams and beliefs on the internet. I was completely horrified, I was so scared, because it felt like I was going to get made fun of for everything I shared, but I couldn't have been more wrong. People supported me, my choices and my beliefs, told me I was brave, intelligent and supported me in every way they could. Sharing my real self was the most scary and most wonderful thing I've ever done.
   Sharing true and authentic things is always an insanely scary thing, but it pays off, trust me. I'm happier than ever, because being honest about myself opened up a platform where I can always be honest, and people accept and relate to everything I share.
   I know it's something scary to a lot of people, which means it's probably scary for you, reading this, too. But going through faking it your entire life isn't worth it either, trust me, because I know. I know just what it's like to be scared of being honest, to be scared of being judged or hated based off what you believe, or even worse: who you are.
   So this is me. I'm a 21 year old Finnish activist, I love the smell of the ocean and the way grass smells in summer after it rains. I believe that equal rights for everyone should be obvious, that the death penalty is barbaric and that women and men should be socioeconomically equal. I value nature, a good book, and crime shows. I'm most often happy, inspired and hardworking, I struggle with depression and sometimes, when I'm already feeling bad, social anxiety. I laugh loudly, talk a lot and I either love or hate things, there's no in between. I'm messy and have a hard time talking about my feelings.
   Trust me, it is a thousand times more easy to be honest, and it will open up lots of different opportunities for you, that you will not get otherwise. Honesty is really the best policy, and nothing can change that.

Day 14

  New vlog is up! Click here to do so!

Day 13

  I've been gone for a while, but here's some new vlogs coming up for ya! Remember to subscribe to my channel, click here to do so!