Stress and Self Reflection

   Today, I have been in a very strange mood. I haven't been motivated to do anything, but I haven't really been feeling depression-y and sad either. I've just had a hard time focusing on anything that I should be doing, and instead I've worked really hard on everything that I should not be doing. I should have studied chemistry today, but did I do that? Nope, I wrote on the novel I'm working on instead.
   I've found that this is becoming more common the more stress I'm under. The lack of motivation on important things is always increased when I'm stressed and then I procrastinate and do things that are parts of longer term projects instead of the things that are supposed to get done sooner. I have a lot of things to do, and I have absolutely no time management skills.
   In other news, I've been studying for a test that I have this Friday, and I feel like I finally get it, I feel like I know all the things I need to when I go through the things we studied during class and I actually feel like I know what I'm doing enough to pass the test (which seemed impossible only a couple of weeks ago, and I'm so proud of my brain!), and I've started working on the Chemistry again, which I also have soon, but I don't remember the date right now. I also have three others coming up soon enough, and I have to have to have to work really hard this spring, but that's okay because these are all good things. I try to remind myself of that every day, even on those days when I feel extremely stressed.

   I'm also have a lot of trouble sleeping. The night before this one was awful, I couldn't fall asleep before around three because my thoughts kept me busy. And then this one, I slept almost a full eight hours and still I have felt tired and unproductive today, and boy has it sucked. The insanity of not being able to sleep properly is intense.
   I'm really struggling with juggling all the things going on around here, but I'm also having a ton of fun. I can feel myself evolving as a person as I work on myself, hang out with more people, read more interesting books and watch new shows with Theo. For example, I'm currently reading Kepler, which I've never read before, and we're watching Grace & Frankie, and Britannia, and it is amazing. I'm trying to go to more lectures and meet more people, soon enough try some new things as well.
   It makes me really happy to see that all my efforts are working out, that I'm making a better version of myself and despite having a lot of things to take care of still, I feel better and better about the things I'm doing, and I love that the hard work I'm putting in is slowly but surely starting to pay off.