I have always been able to hear them,
see them, witness their existance like few others can. Ghosts, I
mean. I never tell anyone else. I tried, once, in second grade. That
resulted in me having to go to a therapist for almost a year.I woke
up at dusk after my first night in the house my father assisted me in
buying a few weeks ago. The darkness was still filling my room, and I
could barely see. But I was able hear. I ran my fingers across the
walls, when following the noises. Cooing, fluttering of small wings.
I recognized the noises immeaditly. Pigeons. More than a few. Coming
inside the walls of my new home.
Suddenly, the noises from the pigeons
disappeared. The silence seemed odd. I wondered so how pigeons had
gotten inside the walls of our house.
My father was already awake, sitting in
the kitchen when I came down the stairs. He greated me with a cup of
warm coffee. I decided to tell him about the pigeons; after all, I
had gotten my gift of witnessing the dead ones in limbo.
”Dad. I heard pigeons this morning.”
I said. He looked at me in confusion.”From inside the walls.”
”Oh
dear Lord. We should never had chosen to buy an old house.” he
muttered.
”Just be happy that it's just
pigeons. There could have been a dead army, a woman who murdered her
whole family.” I smiled.
”Yes. You do remember grandma's
house?” dad grunted.”Half a platon of dead soldiers from the
civil war.”
”It could have been a lot worse. But
do you happen to know if there are any original drawings of the house
left here?” I asked.
”Yes, probably in the livingroom in
the drawer in the bookshelf.” he said.”Just tell me if you need
anything else.”
”Actually, I think you can go home,
back to mom again.” I answered.”I bet she misses you.”
”Are you sure you will be alright
then?”
”Of course, dad. I'm an adult now.
Sooner or later, you are going to have to let go anyway.” I laughed
softly and kissed him on the cheek.”Besides, all that's left to do,
is unpack.”
”If you say so.” he smiles, and I
watch him exit the house after grabbing his coat and his baseball cap
from the single nail in the wall in my hallway. After hearing the
slight roar of his old Honda Civic, I enter the livingroom,
immeaditly aiming for the bookshelf.
Dad's directions turned out to be true.
There were original drawings of the house, placed inside an envelope.
I could feel the paper's age between my fingers, and I suddenly felt
the spirits of every single person who had touched these drawings. A
young boy, an older man, an angry woman, a joyful grandmother showing
it to her grandchildren, perhaps telling stories about the old house
to them.
I studied them for a long time. The
only difference I noticed, exepct the neccessary renovations that had
been made right before the house was sold, was that one of the
balconys had been taken down. Why, I couldn't imagine. Maybe there
had been new laws for architecture, and suddenly the balcony was no
longer deemed safe enough.
I sighed. These drawings gave me no new
information. I decided to make an omelette and study the matter
mentally instead. Why would I be hearing pigeons? And, a more
important question: where did they come from? The thought struck me,
that they might actually be inside the wall. I had recently read an
article about a woman who found a dead pig inside her wall. But that
had been a mistake, the pig had ran away and gotten stuck inside a
small crawl space, which was later on filled with cement. Then I
realised that no builders would be stupid enough not to notice when
at least twenty pigeons flew into a house half built. Still, the
thought of having a house built from dead birds, was very unsettling.
I ate my omelette, still wondering, and
went about my day. I started unpacking, which was the most pressing
matter in my life at the moment. I decided to start with unpacking my
clothes and my technology. My computer was placed on my desk,
together with my phone and a few other things, and my clothes was
promptly placed on hangers and hung in my closet in my upstairs
bedroom.
When placing my last shirt against the
wall, I heard them again. The pigeons had returned.
I placed my hand agains the wall,
closed my eyes and listened. I listened with more than just my ears.
My grandmother had often described it as listening with your body and
soul, the thing she and I did when looking for lost souls. I heard
the flutter of wings, the soft cooing of sleepy pigeons, and suddenly
there was something more. Something, that was not a bird. Something
much, much bigger than a bird. I turned around, and stopped looking
for the birds. I had found something else to concentrate on.
I did not have to open my eyes to know
she was there. Looking at me with confusion in her eyes. Not
understanding how I was able to acknowledge her prescence, something
so many others had failed with, and I wondered if she had attempted
to contact others, still living.
When I opened my eyes, I noticed her
beauty. Her dark eyes, fixated on me. Her dark hair, hanging loose
over her back, her mouth slighly open in surprise, her collarbones,
barely visible beneath pale skin. The darkness around her eyes let me
know that she had suffered before her death, but not physically.
”Are you here to bring him home?”
she whispered, her pale, thin arms reaching for me.”He is coming
home soon.” Her voice cracked and she burst into tears. I stood
still, patiently waiting. Her story was important, everything she was
able to tell me, vital.
”He is coming home soon.” she
repeated, suddenly calm once more. This was the problem with ghosts.
Very few had the ability to use the same brain capacity they had
possessed when they had been alive, which resulted in them often
repeating the same things over and over again, stuck in patterns,
sometimes for hundreds of years.
”Who is coming home soon?” I
tried.”Who are you?”
She was clearly able to recognize my
existance in the room, focusing her dark brown eyes directly on me,
almost staring. She knew who I was, I'm sure of it.
”Dead.” she said.”They all died,
and I never helped. They're dead.”
And with that, she was gone. I sighed.
Sometimes, being able to see other things than mere people can, was a
burden. The repetitive patterns, the very small amounts of
information I was ever able to extract from the people whom I was
supposed to help. What I did, was very hard. And the things I had to
experience while doing it, was often times even harder.
I grunted, going down the stairs, and
into the livingroom. The following items I wanted to unpack, were my
books. I owned hundreds of books, because when I was younger, I had
heard that in orde to be a good writer, you needed to read a lot.
Thus, I read all the great works of every author I could find: Pride
and Prejudice, Little Women, Robin Hood... Every
piece of classic litterature you can imagine, and hundreds of more.
Alltogether, I doubted that the number of books I had read was below
a thousand.
I
picked up my own work first. I always kept a hard copy of every
single one of my books, so that I could read them, and see how I
could perfect my own storytelling. Being a successful author at the
age of twentyone, had it's benefits: a lot more years to come when I
could write even more. Books named Dead Man at Dusk,
Murderous Mistress, The Mollaway Hound and
a whole lot more was stacked into my shelves, all bearing my own
name. I wrote both novels and collections of short stories.
As
soon as The Mollaway Hound had
been put in place, I heard a roaring, and another drawer in my
bookshelf flew open. Out flew pieces of paper, someone impatient for
me to see something I had yet not noticed. Probably the woman
upstairs.
When
looking at the papers, I noticed a womans handwriting, signed Eleanor
LaBelle. French, I though. Why
am I not surprised? French women are always so dramatic.
I picked up a total
of ten papers, and soon noticed they were all letters, every single
one adressed to a man named James. What a generic name for an
englishman, I thought to myself when starting to read the first
letter.
12.12.1862
Oh, James, how I miss you. I do hope
that you will return soon, and bring me back with you, to this
wonderful place called America. Here at home, they say all dreams
come true, and that finding gold is as easy as finding a child in a
lower class family.
Is it as wonderful as you pictured?
Are the hills as green, the earth as giving as you hoped? For your
sake, I hope that the sun sings you awake every morning, and the moon
guards you every night. I hope that our good Lord is with you every
step of your way, and that you will find everything you dreamed of
finding.
Yours forever, Eleanor
14.3.1863
Word has been brought to me that the
civil war has now fully errupted. Oh, if I only knew you were well.
It is so hard to sleep, when the man you love is fighting for his
beliefs in a country far away. How I wish our paths will cross again
soon. I am still wearing your ring, it still...
The rest of the
letter had been destroyed by age. I looked in the pile for a more
recent letter, and within a minute of searching, I found the youngest
one, with the date 5.6.1866.
I am still waiting for you. My heart
aches, my lung find it hard to breathe when you are not here. My
heart still beats, my body is still young, but every day you are
away, my soul becomes that of an old woman: whittering away into
nothingness. Oh, how I wish I would hear from you. Every night, I
dream of your appearance on the grass. Every day I wait in the pigeon
loft, waiting for your letters...
”Pigeon loft.”
I noticed, muttering.”I don't have a...”
A thought struck
me, with such intense force, that I stumbled towards the coffe table,
ignoring the fact that I hit my knee against the open drawer in my
bookshelf. I grabbed the drawings of the house, and gasped when I
noticed what I had missed before.
Beside the now a
days missing balcony, was a small room drawn, so small that I had not
noticed it the first time I looked over the drawings. Pigeon lofts
were rarely built into the house, but it happened. I swallowed hard.
Maybe she was... Maybe Eleanor was still waiting there. Waiting for
her James to come home from America. To bring her with him, to the
place where all their dreams would come true.
I ran upstairs,
holding the drawings of the house in one hand, finding my way through
the hallway. Approximately fifteen feet after the door leading to my
bedroom, I stopped. When I concentrated, I was able to see a slight
indentation in the wall, in the exact shape of a square. This must
have been the door, I thought to myself. I wonder if the workers had
the time to check if the pigeon loft was empty. Probably not. I knew
for a fact that the first owners of the house had died off, and that
it had been empty for several years. When it was time to sell it
again in 1920, who was to say everything had been checked?
I remembered
placing an old hatchet in one of the many storages in the basement,
and went and got it promptly. My hands trembled slightly when I
lifted it, and started striking towards the door, exitement and small
particles of the walls of my home filling my lungs. I feared for what
I would find inside. I feared that I would find nothing at all. There
was nothing that would scare me as much as finding nothing. Finding
out that I had imagined the whole thing. The only thing that had kept
me feeling sane over the years had been the solid evidence I found
for my ghosts' existence. As odd as it would have sounded if I had
told anyone about it: I was wishing for a skeleton.
The door caved in
surprisingly easily. As soon as the dust settled, I stepped inside,
and the first thing I noticed was the window. Shining light into the
old balcony door, and I realised how funny it was. I had seen the
door from the outside, but never given it a second thought why it was
there. Strange, the things we never pay attention to.
I noticed the
pigeons second. The explanations to the sounds. One by one, they had
died off, left inside small cages. And soon enough, I also noticed
that Eleanor had been keeping them company all these years. Just like
I had believed, I found her body on a chair in the corned of the
room. What was left of it anyway. I sighed, and for a short moment, I
admired the dress she had died wearing. Red, with the smallest purple
flowers imaginable. I smiled, and I knew just what to do to make
Eleanor move on from limbo. But first, I had to clean out the dead
pigeons.
She was buried the
same evening I found her. In the protection of the darkness, I
settled her body into the ground into a grave I dug with my own
hands. A smile lingered over my lips when I felt her presence, so
much stronger than before, and for the first time in around a hundred
years, the soul of Eleanor LaBelle was free. When I turned around,
her appearance had changed. Her dress was now perfectly clean, her
eyes had no longer dark rings beneath them, and her lips formed a
beautiful, bright smile.
”I am ever so
grateful.” she said. I smiled towards her and nodded.
”Thank you for
this favor. I hope the home of my family will be just as good of a
home to you as it was to me.” Eleanor smiled.”Thanks to you, I
will be able to re-unite with my James.”
Her eyes wandered to a
point in the dark forest, and she smiled as she faded into the night,
clearly seeing something I was not able to. Maybe the soul of her
dead fiancé had finally come for her.
It hit me. All
these years, he had been waiting as well. In a place without her, not
knowing if she was well, or if he would ever see her again, just like
she had been waiting for him, he had been waiting for her. Waiting
for a lover who might never show up. Now, I could only hope they had
been re-united. United in a place to which I did not know, but I
hoped it would be just as beautiful as their love for eachother.
I smiled softly
towards the dark forest, and sighed as I turned around and walked
back into my house. When inside, I locked the door, I sat down at my
computer and started writing another one of my bestselling
collections of short stories.
I have always been able to hear
them, see them, witness their existance...
So, this Saturday, I participated in the Turku Pride parade, which was really interesting, really fun and an amazing experience. The people participating had amazing spirit, and a lot of energy. I've never been to a pride parade before, or even seen one, and I had a really fascinating and great first experience!
As a final note I would like to say this: being gay, bisexual, asexual or any other sexuality is just as normal as liking a specific type of food. Your sexuality is valid and real, and you should never be harmed, degraded or harmed in any other way because of who you are or what sexuality you have. Having equal rights for all sexualities is one of the biggest matters in our society right now, because equality is one of the corner stones of a great community, which is the foundation for a good state.
