A Good Look at Myself

   Now, yesterday I worked out for the first time in forever, and I can honestly say, I feel like crap. My muscles are sore, my abs are aching every time I laugh and I can't walk straight. But, I also feel pretty good about it. If I'm being honest, I'm in terrible shape. Like really awful, awful shape, and I think it's because of what I eat. And before any worried readers comment about the trash... I eat very good things. I eat all my greens, veggies and fruit all day! But the problem is, I'm eating all those healthy things, with a whole other bunch of trash. So don't worry, I get all of my vitamins, nice and good for me. But...
   The amount of trash I eat is ridiculous, it's awful. The amount of sugar, I don't even want to think about it. Candy, chocolate, sugary drinks, chips... I am basically made by carbs right now.
   Also, since I'm so busy, I don't really have the time to work out. Do you realize that I am currently studying for four exams, applying for summer jobs and trying to sleep at least six hours a night. How am I supposed to find sufficient time to go to the gym, work out, and walk back again? What, when and how? I do take the occasional walk and since I walk everywhere I go, I move around a bit. But actually working off all the sugary things? No way there's any time for that.
   So what's the solution then? Well, I have finally decided to try and cut back on the sugar. I've noticed I eat less when my hands are busy, so I've taken up knitting at all times when I'm sitting down and not holding anything. I'm trying to drink more water, but I still have so much to do in ways of improvement. Because I would love to have a healthy weight, and I know I may look skinny, but you know what? You're not seeing the new fat around my stomach, and you have no clue what my BMI is. I've always had a pretty high one, because I'm actually pretty strong and have a bit of muscle on me, but now, it's gone way up and I'm not happy with that.
   I do believe that you should love your body, and if you're happy and healthy, go ahead and love yourself just like you are, because you deserve that! But I'm not healhty, and it makes me feel bad about my body and to be completely honest, about myself too. Knowing that my body is not doing very well is not a nice feeling, so something has got to change. Because I have more than enough issues with my selfesteem from the get go, I don't need more of those, I don't have the time for more.
   Because I really want to feel good about myself, I want to like my body and the way I look. And I know what you're thinking, "Your weight doesn't have anything to do with you liking yourself!". Uh, yes it freaking has! Me not being healthy, me not having a healthy weight for me, having gained weight compared to what I usually weigh, is a problem for me, because guess what? My bodyweight tells me that I am not healthy! As I said, if you're healhty, and doing what you can to stay healthy, you should love yourself, because loving yourself doesn't mean that you're not allowed to become better. You should love yourself if you're trying to get better, because that's all loving yourself should be about. You should love yourself enough to take care of yourself.