The Making of a Bucket List

   Lately I've noticed that I have a lot I want to do with my life, not just get my masters in environmental biology, but a whole ton of other stuff. That's why I started making my bucket list a couple of days ago. I thought I might reach like 100 things or something like that, but I'm already at almost 600 things, where I describe everything I want to do in travel, culture, for myself, my hobbies, career goals and so on. A simple bucket list started out like a small thing and became a timeconsuming project. And I still have a lot of things to write on it.
   I've been working on it today too, since I've had a fever and been forced to sit on the couch all day. I assume you realize how antsy I've become from not being able to really do anything, which lead to me writing this blogpost, writing, doing some crochet, and working on the upper mentioned list. I have realized that I especially feel the need to travel, experience the world for myself... Sad thing is, it'll be a while before I get to do that.
   What are your goals? Mine are mostly focused around career and travel, but there are also some more personal ones, like me getting well, leaving the worse part of my past behind, and forgiving all the people who have wronged me.
   I feel like my goals are a healthy mixture of higher and lower goals. Also, I will be sharing this list with you, when it's done, but that might take a while still.
(Picture: MediaZink)

The First Month

   Yes, January's last day is tomorrow, and as you know I made a couple of New Year's resolutions for 2018, and I wanted to follow up those I shared with you.
   I have started being more sociable, I meet up with my friends as much as I can and as often I can. And not only that, it's more often my initiative now than last year, and I actually enjoy being around people more than I did last year in January, which is an amazing feeling.
   I had also promised myself to eat healthier and exercise more, which is something I'm still keeping up. I haven't actually started going to the gym yet, because Theo keeps putting it off, and I really want to go with him. I have however been taking more walks, and I have been eating healthier, I've also started making my own smoothies with 100% vegan ingredients, more salads and less pasta. I feel great, and I feel healthier already!
   Trying harder with my mental health, I really am. I have a lot to accomplish this year, and it makes me work even harder on feeling better and liking myself more. I have so many things on my to do list this year, and feeling good is going to be a priority for me, because it hasn't really been so far. I tend to focus more/too much on other people, school and other "have to's", sometimes so much that I get overworked due to that and do everything but care about myself. But so far, I've like myself better, felt better, been sad less often and I will continue working on this throughout the year, because I really need to like myself!

January Bloopers & Extras

   Hi! I'm sorry this video turned out so long (it's almost 10 minutes long, holy heck!), but I hope you enjoy it anyways! Remember to check out my channel and subscribe to it so you don't miss any of the upcoming videos, because I upload every Monday and Friday!

Religion & Positivity

   So, this comes as news to no one: I'm not a very religious person, I don't follow the Bible or anything like that. However, I do believe that posts/texts/whatever that has religion as a detail, can still be positive, important, and I can still like the general message. I wish this was something that more atheists had in common with me, because this is the thing that start a ton of arguments between those who believe in a God, and those who don't.
   Take this picture on the right as an example. The details on the snowflake are wellknown, because they are unique to every single snowflake. And despite this post being about God, I think the message is beautiful, even if you decide to turn it into one that fits atheists and agnostic people, for example "If a snowflake can be this detailed, why would less detail be payed to your life". The message as a whole is a positive one, and I remember reading the comment section beneath this post several years ago on Instagram (sadly, I don't remember the acoount), and it was a freaking warzone. "Uhm, I'm an atheist, stop pushing your religion down my throat","I don't think you should show your faith in public","This doesn't apply to me, I don't believe in God". Jesus, let people live the way they want to! (See what I did there?)
   And what's really bugging me, is that the message is positive. If someone tries to spread positivity, even if they do it through their faith... Why would that bother you this much? Like yes, if they were saying something negative and using their faith as an argument, then by all means, go ahead. If they were saying that all but Christians were ugly as frick, then yes. Please, go ahead. But when someone is trying to make the world a more positive place, why? How does that help anyone?
   And say a religious post does in fact bother you. Why would you spend the extra time commenting under it, instead of moving on with your day, because at that point you're just wasting time on something you're bothered by. And please, please don't use the "shoving it down your throat" as an argument. It's a post on social media. You can scroll right by it. Shoving it down your throat is calling you stupid for being an atheist, harrassing you because of your personal beliefs and people impacting your life for being an atheist. An Instagram post, not directed towards you, is not shoving it onto you. No one even tagged you in this, you just happened to stumble upon it, and decided to get offended by people offering positivity.
   This is what bothers me with a lot of people. The ability to not look past their own belief, because the positivity they see is coming from someone who doesn't share your religion. As an intelligent Christian, you would never comment on an atheist making a large donation to the Red Cross, for example. I honestly think that if you can't appreciate positivity, no matter where it comes from, I think you're intensly dense.
   And let me just as a final point add this: if you're not doing the same, trying to spread positivity wherever you go, then don't complain about the good vibes being put out into the universe by others. I can't stretch this enough. If you're not doing anything, why would you complain about someone doing something positive, and downright attack them? Because really, all this post was really saying, is that you should be able to appreciate your existence because you are in fact, just as delicate and intricate as a snowflake, and should treat yourself like that unique, beautiful being you are. And then these morons (and yes, I use that word, because I really do think so) decide to focus on the one word in the scentence which doesn't agree with their ideology, and make something negative out of something that was meant to be 100% positive, and wasn't even directed at you.
   What do you think? Does it bother you that people share their faith on social media, and does it bother you to see this type of selective neagitivity? (Because we all know not a single atheist would have reacted if the word God got taken out of that scentence). Do you care at all about people's beliefs, or are you more of a live and let live type of person? Tell me in the comments, please.
   Remember to respect positivity, no matter what form it comes in, and try to make the best of the positive things you see. Love yourself, and care for the people around you.

Dating For Dummies: First Dates!

   You voted for it: you got it, now you get to watch it! Here's the new video, I hope you like it! I do know about the editing error in the end, and I'm sorry. I just didn't feel like re-editing and uploading another version again. I hope you can look past it and enjoy the video anyway! Remember to subscribe to my channel by clicking here!

A Regular Saturday & Thoughts On Youtube

   I had imagined I would take it easy this weekend, but my life said no. I had too much to do to take it easy. My boyfriend wanted me to finish unpacking, which I didn't have the time to, but I got very close. I unpacked a total of four boxes and sorted about a thousand papers, before we decided to go out for a walk. I still have two boxes left though.
   After we got back, I had to record a video, as per Instagram votes, a guide to first dates was recorded, which took me half an hour. I also had to edit the video, which turned out to become 19 minutes long, even though I cut as much as I could and only talked about first date advice. That video is currently rendering btw, it'll be up around midnight. I swear, I didn't know how hard it was to edit videos (and how time consuming) and to film them before I started doing youtube regularly, because this is one of the most time and energy consuming thing I have ever done for longer than a day, and I love it so much. I'm learning so much about video editing and creating, and I honestly feel like I'm getting better and better at it. I feel like it's developing into a real hobby, something that I might do for a longer time, even if I never hit it big in that field, that doesn't really matter to me. It's amazing to find something that you love to do, something that teaches you something new all the time, and something that won't grow old, because there's always something new you can edit and film. It's amazing. I'm so grateful to have something like this.
   So what have you done today? Has it been a great weekend so far? I hope it has, I'd like it to be. I'm pretty pleased with my weekend so far, but it hasn't exactly been relaxing, like I'd hoped. Tomorrow I'll finish unpacking and cleaning the apartment, and I'll probably start a new novel. I also have to plan out some studying, so tomorrow won't be very relaxing either. I guess that's what it's like to study at university and have time consuming hobbies, you're always busy.

Walks And Pancake

   Today has been a pretty interesting one. It started with me oversleeping, but that's not the point. I did something I haven't done in quite a while, I went for a long walk, actually even out of the city and into some forest, finding these really interesting rocks and climbing some of them. It was really nice, we even managed to go outside during the lighter hours of the day, which never really happens during winter (since days have sunlight around 5-6 hours here in the winter, and we usually have lectures then).
   We also realized we need to go geocaching whenever we go for a longer walk again, because we haven't really done that for quite a while, and we actually do quite miss it.
   The trip became quite long, it got drawn out for a couple of hours, and in the middle of it, we decided to stop at Hesburger and have a couple of smoothies, it was really nice and wellneeded. Spending two hours moving around makes someone really hungry. I had strawberry-banana if anyone's wondering about that. It was surprisingly tasty, considering it was made at a fast food joint. I might even have another one at one time or the other.
   We also made pancake today, and it was absolutely delicious. It's one of the few dishes I feel like I could eat an unlimited amount of, however, for my own health I often choose to stop after two pieces, because your stomach can start hurting if you have too much of it. If you want something easy to make, you should try it. And a tip for my fellow students: it's really cheap and filling, so if you're looking for something to make tomorrow, why not try it out?
   How did you spend your Friday night? I'm currently finishing mine by having some nice wine and watching some Britannia, a new show that me and Theo are considering following, because it seems really interesting. At least I think so, I don't really know what he thinks of it yet. I hope you've had a pleasant start to your weekend!

Let's Not "Man Up"

   So this is something else that you're not supposed to talk about (yes I know I touch on taboo topics quite a lot lately, but it's important), but it's close to my heart, because this is something that I have a lot of toughts about.
   So apparently, men are not supposed to share their feelings. If you ask me, that's ridiculous, how are your ability to share your feelings supposed to be tied to your sex? What the heck, people. Men are not allowed to cry, they're only allowed to be angry, but then only when people can't see it. I don't understand, I really don't, because if a man cries, he's suddenly weak. I've always considered showing your emotions to be a really strong move, no matter what sex the person is. What.
   Suicide rates are high in my country, especially for males, although they are getting lower, and I think that the biggest reason is that men are not allowed to talk about feelings (which is a global concepts) and women aren't allowed to complain either. You're just supposed to shut up and take whatever life throws at you, then suffer in silence. We don't talk about traumans, sadness, anger, sorrow, stress... Nothing. We talk about nothing. But despite this being a thing for both men and women in my country, globally, this is a concept mostly directed towards men.
   I have never understood this, why are men supposed to be these stoic statues without any "real" feelings, and whenever they do decide to show them, they're ridiculed for being weak and unmanly. What. Why. The world is so strange, there are these concepts that I don't understand. Where did this come from? Has it always been like this? When cavemen got emotional, were they thrown out of the groups because they weren't cavemanly enough for the others?
   Look at this map. As you can see, my country is in the red, which means 13/100.000 people take their lives. I don't understand why we're not focusing more on working towards preventing this. I personally don't know someone who has taken their own life, but I know several people who do. And the weirdest thing is, when people take their own life, people don't talk about it, you have to read it between the lines whenever you meet the people who knew them. Instead of talking about their struggles with mental illness, they'll just tell you "oh, they passed away". Nothing more. Like their struggle was nothing.
   Thankfully, I am noticing a change in younger people, especially in women. Slowly but surely, we're learning that having feelings is okay, and that goes for men too, despite their progress is a bit slower than that of women. Younger men are starting to share their feelings more openly, even when it's something that they consideer negative. And to be honest, it's one of the most positive changes I've noticed in a very long time.
   So if you're a male reading this, no matter how old you are, you really should talk about your feelings. You don't have to go to a professional for it, but just tell someone. You'll feel better, and they'll be flattered due to you trusting them, it's a win-win. I used to think that I didn't need someone to talk to about my troubles, but as I noticed that people didn't shun me because of the troubles I had, I felt a lot less uneasy about talking about how I really felt about things. Trust me, if I can shar my feelings, so can you!
(Image source; upper: instagram, lower: Suicide.org!)

Moving Part 2: Meet Stan!

   I  hope you like Stan as much as we do!

Time, Money, Energy and Your Hopes and Dreams

   Here's something I've been thinking about during today. You know how you're constantly told that your youth is the best time of your life, how you're supposed to live out your dreams while you're young, because when you're old you'll be too tired? Well, I don't understand how the frick you're supposed to do that.
   My dreams include to travel, and to write books. I don't understand what magical world people live in where young adults have the time, the energy and the money to travel the world. Because really, the only thing we focus on, is contemplating life, studying and stressing about our future. We don't have the money to make our dreams come true, because we're constantly spending it on things that are neccessary (I am, for example, eating some microwaveable soup right at this very moment and drinking water, how luxurious, right?), because when living is so expensive, there's barely any workplaces that offer hours that fit students and you need so many things just to live, it's completely impossible to work out something that actually makes it possible to fulfill your dreams and do what you want with your life.
   And as you're so focused on working on your studies, and stressing about the future, then you're suddenly old and it's too late to do anything about it. I feel like there's really no way to win at this. As soon as you've got the money, you don't have the time. As soon as you have both time and money, then you're tired and don't have the energy to. And then, there's me, who's a poor university student, meaning I'm always short on time, I don't have the money to do what I want, and I never have the right amount of energy to fulfill anything.
   If you have a solution to this, then please tell me in the comments below, because I am completely lost over here.

Cookies & Depression

   Today has been an extremely tired day. It's been a hard one when it comes to my depression too (as tiredness and depression often walk hand in hand, if you didn't know that), but don't worry, as always the tired, unproductive morning was balanced out by me reading a chapter in my most recent novel, reading 64 pages for the exams on Friday, editing and rendering today's video all in a couple of hours, and baking three kinds of cookies.
   You heard me (or in this case, read me) right, three freaking kinds of cookies; chocolate chip, cookies with a jam centre and some toffee cakes (I don't know what those are called in English, and google did for once not help me out, so just look at the lower picture if you want to know what those are). I don't know what came over me, I just felt an intense desire to bake something, and now our aparatment is once again overflowing with cookies, just like when I spontaneously baked ginger bread and made 200 cookies before everyone was meant to go home for Christmas break, like the genius I am.
   So what does today show us about me? I find myself to be a person who's mood changes very quickly, I can argue with someone one moment and then love them the next, I can want only to go to sleep and then a few hours later bake fifty cookies in a heartbeat. I sometimes don't understand myself, as I now, as I'm watching another game of soccer with Theo and I'm feeling tired again, looking forward to a good night's sleep.
   I do, however, feel like me being able to change moods so quickly is one of my better traits, because it prevents me from being angry at the same things for days or hours (which many of my friends often are). I just walk around yelling about it for a couple of minutes, and then I'm back to the world being flowers. I'm very easy to cheer up, which certainly makes living with me a whole lot easier for Theo, because if I'm ever upset about something, all he has to do is make a funny face or a joke, and I'm happy again.
   Speaking of living with him, in only a few days my contract here starts, and I will in all official meanings, be living here. It's an amazing thought, that I'm actually going to live here, and to be completely honest with you, I'm still having a bit trouble grasping it. At least now, I have someone to force feed my cookies, haha. No but really, I can't really fully understand the concept of actually living here, despite me having already moved in. It just feels a bit too good to be true, and I kinda still expect to wake up and realize it is all a dream.
   That being said, there's still a lot to do with the move, but I think that's going to have to wait until after I finish my exams. I certainly don't want to overwork myself, because really, the last thing I need is a burnout or just being overworked in general, because I really need to focus and be my best self right now, I have so many things and so many people who need my attention at the moment. And you know me, I either give 110% or I don't care at all, there is no inbetween.
   Now I'm off to an hour or so of relaxation and maybe some light writing before I get a night of well deserved rest. I hope you've all had a wonderful Monday!

"If I Can't Control A Woman's Body..."

   Now as I often do, I decided to scroll through some of my screenshots/saved posts from Instagram for some added inspiration, finding posts that I either wish to share for the sheer happiness they bring me. Today, I found one of the ones who are just infuriating, both because it's stupid and because it's amazingly ignorant.
   Now, I don't know if you already knew this, but men get breast cancer too. Oh my God, what?! I know, it's absolutely mindblowing, it's almost like men and women are... Equal?! What the frick. So, if you don't want to contribute to breast cancer because women won't let you control what happens to their bodies, then congratulations mate, I sincerely hope you get the very disease for which research you refused to contribute money to. You stupid, stupid human
   Also, the response to this is quite genious, because it's literally what the first person seems to have an opinion (I'm assuming it's a conservative male, but I can't point that out, because of the upcoming shitstorm of #notallmen that would flood my comments).
   The thing is that even if this person is an extremist, there are people out there who think like him. It continues to baffle me that men think they have the right to control what other people do (in this case, women getting abortions) and don't do, and if the people they wish to rule over don't let them, they can punish them in whatever way they please, even if it's taking away something that would benefit the entire human race.
   Honestly, humanity never stops amazing me with it's stupidity. If you honestly believe that this person has a valid point... Please don't reproduce.
   What are you views on this person's opinion? Do you agree, do you disagree? Couldn't care less? Tell me in the comments below, because I'm genuinly curious!

Fresh Snow

   As I studied for my philosophy test on Friday, I noticed that I had yet to post anything (at all) today, so here's a ton of pictures I took yesterday in the fog!

"Wanna See My Knives?"

   What's your worst dating experience? Let me know in the comments below and we can share awkward stories together! Remember to subscribe to my youtube channel, by clicking here!

Feminism, why?

    Today a very kind stranger commented something on my youtube channel that made me think about something that I found very interesting. This person claimed that it's very rare to see individual approaches to feminism, which I don't consider to be very true. That person is, of course, entitled to his or her opinion, but here's why I believe every feminist tackles the issues of the modern world in different ways.
    I'm a feminist, and how do I tackle the issues the world faces on an every day basis? Well, there's a whole lot of levels to it: the issues regarding my own life, the worries and issues my friends and family faces, and the problems we face as a nation or world. I always voice my opinion, no matter what happens to me if I do, and I won't be quiet about the issues that are important to me. I make my own choices in life, I encourage other women around me to embark on their travels through life in the way they see fit and pursue their dreams in whatever manner they please. I want to teach my children, no matter if they turn out to be boys and girls, that they should respect everyone around them, and that they can be whatever they please. I'm a feminist because I actively speak out against injustices around me, use my right to vote towards politicians who stand for equality for everyone, I stand up when other women are hurt, when friends depend on me for support or advice, and I always will. I have always believed, and will always, believe in the equality of men and women, no matter race, religion, background or social status. I believe that every life is of equal worth, and I always will.
   Everyone shows their values in a different way, and that's perfectly fine. If you claim otherwise, I can honestly say I consider you a strange person. You can be a feminist without making enormous sacrifices for the cause. Not everyone can be Malala Yousafzai, and that's okay. You can support the values of a movement even if you're not willing to spend your life working for it.
    The definition of a feminist has changed the past years. Feminist, in the eyes of the world, went from a strong, independent woman who stands up against issues regarding equality, to angry, free-bleeding extremists who believed women are superior. Let me just clear this up: no person claiming men to  be lesser than women should call themselves a feminist, because that is just downright stupid and ignorant. The literal definition of feminist is a person supporting the theory of political, economic and social quality of the sexes, but somehow people started believing differently. Do you think men and women's lives are of the same worth? Congratulations, you are a feminist. Do you not think that? Go find something else to label yourself as, and stop dragging the names of good feminsts. This has been a PSA. Thank you.
   The approach to feminism is different to every feminist out there. Some people use their votes to forward the message of equality and make the world better that way. Some feminists will actively speak out against harassment, economical differeces to show their support of feminism. Some will support their female friends when they have tough choices to make, some will follow their dreams despite the world actively working against them. Feminism has many approaches, and is not only exclusive to women. Men, and people identifying as everything else, can be feminists too (shocking, right?!), because everyone who speaks up, who thinks it's wrong, when they see something that argues against equality is a feminist. And in case you're wondering: if you're not actively working against the problem, you are part of that problem. Don't want negative things to happen to the people around you? Actively work against them, because if you keep quiet, you are just one more person who slowly but surely is beoming part of that bigger problem.
   It is stupid to think that we will be equal in every way possible, because there are biological differences that makes that impossible. Men will probably always have an easier time building muscle tissue, and thus be able to lift heavier things, and women will probably always be more nurturing because it's embedded in us as a species. But socially, economically and politically? Those are things we can change, things we should change.
   I want equality for everyone, because I don't think there's a person alive who has the right to claim that someone else's life or values is worth less than their own. I'm a feminist, because I really do believe that you should be valued as a person, no matter what gender you are, where you're from, what God you believe or don't believe in, what you work with, what the color of your skin happens to be, what you work with, what your social background is, and so on.
   You are, and you will always be, a person. And as such, you should be treated like one.
~~~
(Picture credits: lower; the Elm, upper: Goddesskerrilyn)

I Have A Huge Announcement To Make!

So, I've been sitting on these news for quite a while, and it feels so nice to share it with you. The reason I haven't told you before, is that I wanted to make sure that things were going smoothly (although they're not going too smoothly, as you may have guessed). I hope you're excited about this, because I sure am. I feel like this is the start of something new and big, no matter how cheesy that sounds.

Make Change, Be Change

   I have always had very strong feelings about people complaining. If people complain, and try to do anything at all about the thing they're complaining about, then it's all fine. But if you're not going to do something about the stuff you need to change, then you don't have the right to complain in my book.
   You want gay rights? Then vote for people who support it, walk in/support parades, engage in debates and support those rights. You want equal rights? Be open about it, demand equal rights, go to demonstrations, vote for egalitarian and feminist politicians, debate and make your voice heard! This goes for everything, no matter what it's about. If you believe it will have a positive impact on you, the people surrounding you and your community, then go on. Work for those positive changes, and they will appear. People might say that no one cares about just a single persons idea, but all great changes came for a single person's single idea.
   If you want something to be out there in the universe, you need to be part of the community that puts that out there. Positivity and great influences do not just appear, someone puts all of those things out there, into the universe, onto whatever medium they're using to show you all those positive things. You
   I have always believed, and probably will always believe, that if you're not actively working against the problem, you are part of that problem. So, if you have something you want to happen, be a part in making sure that it does!

The Aftermath of Let's Talk About Mental Health

   So it has been a week since I wrote Let's Talk About Mental Health, and six days since I posted it. I remember being so nervous and scared when I wrote it, and those feelings doubled when I decided to actually post it and put it out into the universe. I really wanted to, but opening up in such a way is very, very scary. But once I actually managed to post, I was overwhelmed by the wave of positivity that hit me.
    I come from a commonity (and a country) where you can't really talk about mental health. It's viewed as a taboo of sorts, and if you talk about it, people will shush you and tell you to stop overreacting. That doesn't mean people don't care about you, they just show you that they care in different ways, like ask if you've eaten, tell you to drive safe and so on. But this has always frustrated me, and I have never understood why the condition of our brains (which is only another body part of the human body) was to kept secret, and I have always believed that this contributes to our country's high suicide rate.
   But back to the wave of positivity that made me feel all warm and loved inside. It started the instant I posted it, when I started receiving snapchats from my friends who had read the post, and wanted to tell me they were proud of me, and love me. I then decided to open my snapchat for followers too, if someone wanted to send me something, and they did. During the past six days, my snapchat has been flooded with positive things (follow me on snapchat btw: myspotfordreams (because shameless plugs)), my DM's on Instagram has been filled with messages about how brave I was, how much the person who wrote the message admires or loves me. And let me just say that I love you all right back.
   And here's the things: I don't think that a person who talks openly about mental health, especially their own, should be considered brave. I want talking about mental health to become  a social norm, I want people to be able to be open and honest about the way they feel and think. If you're having a bad day, tell me. If your week is sucky, tell me. Just freaking tell me, you'll feel a lot better and I will feel like you trust me. The thing is, unless you've known the person you're talking to for 30 years or more, the Finnish culture doesn't consider it okay to so much as hint at mental health. And if you want/feel the need to have a really deep conversation, you have to have known them for 50 years, you both have to be women, and it's prefered that the other party is either your mother or sister. Because men, men don't have the right to talk about anything besides technology, sports or everything that has an engine, because other subjects aren't manly enough to talk about.
   I feel so happy about people thinking I'm brave, I'm not going to lie. I love being loved by my friends, it's an amazing feeling. But please, don't leave me here to talk about this alone. Mental health is such an important subject, and I think everyone should be able to talk about it, even if it's just for the sole purpose of feeling better, because talking about it really does help (despite how cliché that sounds).
   There's nothing wrong with feeling sad/depressed/stressed/worried or whatever you might be feeling. There's nothing wrong with having a mental illness. There's no need for you to be happy all the time, that's just unrealistic and a very high standard for you or the people around you to have, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with you having to ask for help or advice from your friends, family or maybe even a professional when you need it. It's perfectly normal and human to have feelings of distress, to feel the need for help from people around you and you feeling that you have the need to express what you're experiencing.
   Also, I want to thank you for being so supportive, whether you're just here to read the post and never leave a comment, or you're the person who gives me feedback on absolutely everything you read, whether you know me in real life or just click in here to read my thoughts from the other side of the globe once in a while, even if it's your first time here: thank you for your support.
   If you're wondering if this theme of mental health will become a common theme here on the blog/other of my social media; it's not. I'm going to write about it whenever I feel like it, but it's not going to be a new mental health post every other day. It'll appear every once in a while tho, but if you're not into the personal sharing is caring type of thing, then you can just ignore these posts.
~
   Time for an overall blog update! I'm back to working on my youtube channel again, so make sure you check out that by clicking here. I also want to thank you for us reaching 70,000 unique visitors on the blog, because that's absolutely amazing and I'm so weirded out by the fact that people are sharing my content, and that you're here to read my weirdness on a regular basis. So thank you for that.
   I've also been getting more support on Instagram lately, so thanks for that! Also, make sure to follow my Instagram @myspotsfordreams if you want updates on my life a bit more regularly.
   Thank you so much for your support, whether you're just here or you stalk me on all my social medias, because feel free to do that! ❤

What I Got For Christmas 2017

   I just uploaded a couple of my favorite Christmas gifts! I have a lot more material coming up, so remember to go subscribe to my youtube channel by clicking here. It's worth it, I promise. I have a lot more personal vlogs coming up, so if you wanna get to know me/ask any questions about me, my channel is the place to do that!

Jigsaw

   After a criminal triggers a remote control on the roof of a building, a new game in the same style as Jigsaw's old ones, is started. DNA matching his is found on the bodies, however the Jigsaw killer, John Kramer, has been dead for ten years. Bodies starts dropping around town once more, and investigators Hunt and Halloran are on the case. While investigating, they work with Eleanor and Logan in the morgue. Neither of them trust Halloran, and Eleanor decides to take her boss to her "studio" where she reveals herself to be a fan of the Jigsaw case. As the body count becomes higher, the pressure for Hunt and Halloran to find the killer increases.
   As every other movie in the Saw franchise, this was filled with bloody gore and plottwists. However, the twists are very easy to detect, and you can easily figure out what's going to happen, and even who the killer is. You seriously figure it out in the middle of the movie, and then the whole point of the movie is kind of lost. The machinery in the movie is also a lot less interesting and more simple than in the other movies. (Also, can we discuss the fact that all of the victims have secrets that don't match the original pattern? They used to be a mixture of criminals, addicts and other people, and in this movie they're all part of the same group, with the same kind of secrets. How boring.)
   The movie is also apparently very confusing if you haven't seen the other movies recently, because one chick sitting right behind us in the cinema bursted out "I understand nothing" right at the movie ended, and other people have been expressing the same kind of feelings, and I have to agree; it takes a bit of thinking to understand the movie and if you don't know the patterns from before, you'll probably be confused. So, make sure you watch the other movies first.
   If you're a hardcore fan of the Saw series, then I really recommend you watch this movie. It's not particularly scary, but the gore was intense and as bloody as ever.

The Logan Paul Situation

   After the drama has died down (after the same two day period that it usually takes for youtube drama to be forgotten) I have decided to actually write a blogpost about Logan Paul, despite me telling multiple people I'm not going to do it, but as this is no longer talked about, here's where I step in and remind the people around me, that Logan Paul is a complete asshat. So buckle up, because of the subject of this idiot, there's a whole lot to say.
   Let me start by saying this: I have never supported this manchild, and I will never do so, because this douche is an entitled brat, who apologizes for showing dead bodies by saying "it wasn't for views, I get views". What kind of a f´d up being do you have to be to use that in your apology? How entitled and self centered do you have to be for that to sound like an apology?
   Also, have you thought about the fact that someone on his team, had to edit that shitpile of a video, saw the dead body, saw the group making fun of it and thought "Yes, let's put this on the internet, this will be funny as fuck". This was not only Logan Paul's decision. And, not to mention, Youtube allowed this crap to reach trending. What the hell? You soft censor LGBTQ+ youtubers, no matter what their videos are about, but a dead body? That's great material to you? What the hell is wrong with you.
   So, despite this human being the biggest manchild in the states right now (after the president of course, that title will be Donald Trump's for the rest of his presidency), let me break this down for you using cold logic instead of emotional arguments, and let's start with the asshole's apology, which he did through a screenshot on his twitter.
   "I did it because I thought I could make a positive ripple" Really, now. You laughed at a dead body with your stupid crew, to make a positive ripple on the internet? Sweet Jesus. Your audience is made up from children and teens. What is wrong with you? "I intended to raise awareness for suicide and suicide prevention", oh really? Where was the link for suicide prevention hotlines, a webpage, a phone number, anything?! Where's your donation to any orginisation that works to prevent suicide? And is laughing at a dead body really the way to raise awareness? Really, how stupid do you have to be to use this as an excuse? This sounds like something you make up on the spot without thinking, when you realized you did something completely f*cked up. You, sir, are an ass, and now, the entire world knows it.
   Can we also talk about the fact that he calls his videos "a 15 minute tv show". It's not a tv-show, dude. It's mediocre videos of you running around, throwing Pokeballs at japanese people, because that's totally not offensive. It's you posting 100% clickbait every day, very effectively providing the internet with more crappy, halfassed material to waste time on. You don't have a tv show, dude. Know the damn difference, you buttmunch. You don't have talent, you've just learned how to work a rigged algorithm to your advantage.
   "With great power comes great responsibility..." Yes, that's true. And what have you used your "power" for? Where's the charity work? Where's the actual suicide prevention? Where's the creative work, where's the support for people who need it? Oh that's right, it's on other people's channels. Because you, an entitled manchild with his head so far up his butt, he can probably smell last night's dinner, why would you need to help anyone else? Wanna know what you've used your power for? Upon googling "Logan Paul charity work", the first headline showing up was "Logan Paul's video slammed as "totally unacceptable" by japanese suicide charity". If that doesn't tell you anything about what kind of a mistake you are to the entertainment industry. Google any other youtuber; Markiplier, iiSuperwomanii, Shane Dawson, Liza Koshy, Pewdiepie etc. and you'll find great charity work. So really, mister Logan Paul, what have you done with your power, besides being culturally insensitive infront of millions of children and teens and using the power of clickbait to gain more money for yourself.
   Now, other people has done stupid things with their power online. White people using the N-word, accidentally offending people, been culturally insensitive and so on and so on. But this is the first time, ever, that suicide has been made fun of in such a radical way. If you laugh at a dead body, there's something wrong with you. If you film yourself laughing at a dead body, there's something very wrong with you. If you film, and upload yourself laughing for a dead body for millions of people to see, you need serious mental help. What kind of messed up person does something like that?
   But something that bothers me even more: there are people supporting him, claiming he did nothing wrong. Oh my God. Now I understand being a fan of a youtuber, I love several youtubers. But supporting someone who's done something this stupid, claiming he has done nothing wrong, how stupid do you have to be? You don't support someone this stupid, unless you're stupid yourself, or just a child in general. People like this should not have access to the internet. Dear United States, please take away net neutrality, but only for people supportive this idiot. Please, do something right for once.
   Also, youtube... Why did it take you a whole day for you to realize that "oops, maybe this shouldn't be on trending at all"? You don't let people cuss on your platform, you can't mention the word "gay" or "lesbian" but showing a dead body hanging from a tree is perfectly fine. Do your job, you stupid idiots. You can't soft censor great, creative youtubers, then ignore clickbaity dead bodies on your platform. How does this make sense?
   But, the thing that makes me really sad about this whole thing is that this jackass will still get the normal amount of views he always gets. It doesn't matter how many people he throws things at, if he waves raw fish in the faces of dozens of people, if he runs to the streets of Tokyo dressed in a kimono, or how many times he shows a dead body to get views, he will always have the same idiots who will support him no matter what. In a couple of weeks everyone will have forgotten all about this. Youtube will not take down his channel, because he makes money for them. His stupid fans will follow him to the edge of the earth no matter how many times he laughs at dead humans.
   That's the sad thing about celebrities. No matter why they're famous, no matter how much they mess up, even if they offend entire nations, they will still be around, making money and having a following. I can guarantee you, that Logan Paul will suffer no long term consequences because of this, even though he deserves everything getting thrown at him at the moment.

Thank You!

   This Saturday, I want to take a moment and thank you. The response to the mental health post has been amazingly positive: I've received comments, instagram DM's and snapchats about this post (instagram: @myspotsfordreams and snapchat: myspotfordreams if you want to check those out for more frequent, more personal updates than you get on here), all of which were positive, where you told me you loved me, support me, thought it was well written and that you won't see me differently. These came from both people I know in real life, and from people who follow me on social media. This means so much to me, and I just wanted to say that I am so grateful to have such awesome friends and such a supportive following!
   When I wrote that post, it felt like I should expect a lot of negative feedback, people calling me a drama queen, etc... But there was not a single person who said something bad about me, or about the post. I have never in my life been so relieved about something I posted online, I feel so great about this.
   Thank you so much for your support, it means the world to me. It's an amazing feeling to know that you can always count on people to have your back, no matter what you want to do or what happens to you.
   Get ready for an amazing January, and an amazing 2018 which you get to follow along!

December 2017

   Just a short little video of December's extra material, i.e. pictures and videos that have never been posted anywhere. I hope that you've started your 2018 off on the right foot, and that you enjoy this video, despite the poor quality!

New Shoes!

   Want to know how you know you're a blessed person who has their economy in check? You can buy two pairs of shoes without it being an economical ruin. And this is just what I did yesterday (not reach economical ruin, but buy myself some new shoes).
   I made two important decisions that will mark my 2018: I will spend more time on working on myself and the personal goals I make, and liking myself more. These shoes are, no matter how superficial this might sound, a big part of that. The ones with orange details are meant as gym shoes, a gym I'll start going to as soon as I get rid of my cold (which is still making me cough and my nose run, like wth). The pink Catmandoos are meant for outdoors, everyday use. I actually like the orange/peach ones more, I think they're a lot prettier, and you already know I don't really like things that are pink.
   Weirdest thing is, even though my old shoes are basically falling apart at this point, I'm going to miss them when I throw them away. It's true, I get attached to things very very easily. I've had these shoes for like two years, and now I'm actually going to miss them (granted this will pass in a few seconds after I throw them out, but still).
   I have a lot of things to do, to improve on, and these are the shoes that will help me reach most of those things. I'm really looking forward to getting to start going to the gym, I love the idea of finally getting moving again, and get back into shape. I'll also have the priveledge of working out with friends and my boyfriend, which will probably make me even more motivated to work harder and push myself further, and most importantly; enjoy myself more when working out.
   As it is the most cliché new year's resolution ever, I understand that some of you think that I might not follow through on this, and sometimes I even think so myself. But since I have the support of so many people that are important to, an close to, me, I really do think that I'll succeed in improving myself in this way. What are your resolutions for this year? Surround yourself with people who will support you in reaching those goals, who will join you in the activities that you want/need them to, and who will make you feel great on even the days when you don't feel like you can do it, when you feel like you're too tired or too stress to work on yourself. In short: surrounding yourself with positive, happy people, will do wonders for both your goals and the view you have on yourself! Positivity is everything.
   On that note, I decide to sign off for this time, since I have both studying and dishes to get done! Have a great Friday and make the most of your weekend!

Soup and Mentality

   Today has been an amazing one, really one for the books if you ask mme. Not only did I post something that was very important to me mentally and spiritually, and part of my New Year's resolution "like yourself more" (which was very scary to post at all, since I'm scared of people thinking I did it for attention or for them judging me/treating me differently than before), I also tried making onion soup for the first time ever, which is something that I've actually wanted to do for quite a long time. And since it was my time to cook, of course it was going to be something vegetarian (me and Theo worked out a system in which whenever he cooks, he can make whatever he wants, even if it contains meat, and whenever I cook, I'll make something that suits my diet, because since we visit a lot of student restaurants for lunch, my food will still be mostly pescetarian, and there's no extra work for him involved). I really liked the soup to be honest, the only problem with it was that it became quite salty, due to the recipe telling me to use 2 bouillons, when one would clearly have been enough. Despite that, my boyfriend told me it was the most delicious soup he had ever tasted. I also made some homemade bread to go with the soup, which was the usual success, since I almost always make the same one.
   I'm really proud of myself for how I spent this Thursday. I cooked, I studied for a couple of hours, I had the time to write a great blog post, and took an amazing, mango scented bath. Now, the game of tonight is getting closer and closer, which means I'll soon get the "pleasure" of watching another game of football with my boyfriend. Jokes aside, I don't really mind. Besides, I get to knit and work on several projects at the same time.
   I'm already planning for tomorrow, which will in large part be spent by studying for the various tests I have coming up this month. I'm actually quite looking forward to it, believe it or not, because this will provide me with some kind of rhythm and habit in my life again, after spending almost the entire Christmas break by completely ruining the small amount of routine I had before.
   I hope you've started your 2018 on the right foot, and if you haven't, then good news: you can still make it! I'm off to enjoy the game with great company, hope you get to spend your evening with people you enjoy as well!

Let's Talk About Mental Health

   I finally feel free to tell the world. I come from a culture where no one really says anything, unless they really have to, I'm sure many of you do too. We don't tell people we don't feel good, we continue struggling in silence until our problems go away. But I have decided that that's not a tradition I want to continue, I want to be able to talk openly about the things that are on my mind and not always first think "What will others think?" instead of "What do I want to do?" So here it goes. I'm depressed. Now, if you don't want to read anything about it, I recommend you stop here, because personal posts are not for everyone, and if you don't want to know, then you don't. If you still want to read this post, please do so respectfully, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask me.
   Let me be the first to say that my depression is far from the worst cases. My illness does not in any large way inflict on my life. I'm able to study, I have a social life, I have a functioning relationship with the world around me. That's not to say that I'm "more or less depressed" than anyone else. I'm just a different kind.
   I often get the feeling people think depression is closing yourself in in a single room for days without talking to anyone, or wanting to jump off a bridge every time you see one. While those are signs of depression (distancing yourself from other people and wishing or wanting to harm yourself), these are not the only symptoms of the illness. Depression is more than not being able to get up in the morning. Symptoms of depression vary from lost interest in old hobbies to selfharm to showing less emotions to being more emotional to barely having any symptoms at all. That's the thing about depression: it's different for everyone who has it.
   So what are my symptoms? I sometimes lack an appetite, which is very common. I always eat three meals a day, but sometimes it's pretty clear that I don't want to. My will to be sociable changes from day to day: some days I love being around people, other days my boyfriend is more than enough. I also have a lot of days where my motivation to do the simplest things (like study for a test for example) is lacking, but then other days I can do everything I want and then some. I find it hard to express feelings, especially negative ones like sadness or anger. I don't cry as much as a normal person, but can suddenly burst into tears for the smallest of reasons, like not finding my other sock (although the sock is not the real reason, but there's an underlying one, which I'm sure you understand). I have trouble liking myself and being proud of the things I do, I often don't like the way I look, think or act.
   That last one is particularly hard and important. Going through your days not being able to appreciate yourself is very hard. Feeling like you're not good enough is intensely harsh on all the things and sometimes even the people you surround yourself with. I have always been told I'm beautiful, from several people surrounding me. My mother, my boyfriend, my friends and relatives... But I can't see it that way. When you're depressed, it's very hard to see something positive in yourself, despite it being pointed out to you. Like even if you've been told you're smart, you've got good grades to prove it, you read a lot of books and understand most of what happens in the world, if you're depressed, you will probably not be able to see yourself as particularly smart or intelligent.
   Depression is a tricky illness. Some people have a clear reason for their depression: substance abuse, a divorce, loosing someone close to them. Some have a fuzzy reason that spans over several years, there's no particular event that triggered the illness: abuse, bullying, not fitting in etc. And some people, like me, don't have a reason at all. Sure, I had a though time all through school, not being too appreciated by my fellow students, but that doesn't bother me. I'm surrounded by people who love and care for me, I'm attending a university I've always wanted to attend. There's no reason for why I'm depressed, and that's actually pretty common. Not everyone has a clear reason.
I feel like no one talks about depression enough. It's a huge problem here in Finland, and in other countries too, but I honestly believe that our rates of suicide would go down if we were allowed to talk about all the things that bother us and bring us down. Not talking about depression doesn't make it go away, it makes it worse, something I've first hand experience of. I have closed off that part of myself for a very very long time, and it's only in the past year that I've started talking about it even a little bit. I've told my family, my closest friends, my boyfriend and other people who needed to know. And now I'm ready to tell you.
   So really then, why am I telling you?
   The first reason for my newly found courage comes from the fact that mental illness has finally begun to appear more in media. We're seen as valid, just like diabetes and needing glasses, there's something in our system that's not working (and yes, depression can also be purely medical, for example due to lack of certain vitamins or minerals, or hormonal reasons). It's more common to actually talk about depression, and I no longer feel like I have to hide.
   The second reason is, as mentioned, that I feel like no one talks about it here. If someone breaks their arm or leg, they brag about it. People sign their casts, they ask how they're doing. But depression is a sickness concentrated to your brain, which (for some reason I cannot for the life of me figure out) is not treated like a sickness at all. It's treated like some taboo we can't talk about. You wouldn't hide something being wrong with your hand, why would you hide some glitches in your brain? Depression, and other mental illnesses needs to be talked about more. A lot more. We shouldn't have to hide and be scared all on our own. We shouldn't have to suffer in silence.
   And the last reason: I don't want to hide things from you. Writing this post is a scary, scary thing, because as I just mentioned: I always think first about what others would think about me than what I actually want to do. Since my culture practically forbids me from talking about any difficulties I might face, I'm expecting quite a backlash from publishing this. If you know me personally, and disagree with me posting this: this is something important to me. This is part of who I am right now, this is my space and I have a right to posting whatever I want here. If this post doesn't suit you, if me sharing this is "not your taste" or you think it's "inappropriate", then that's your opinion. You didn't come here to read your thoughts on a blog, you came here to read mine. If you want something that mirrors your views: start a blog of your own.
   This blog has grown, and is still growing, from a handful of readers every day to a couple hundred every day and then several thousand each month. You've gotten to know me quite well: you know my stance on politics, you know that I believe in equality, you know that I want to become a writer (you might even have read some of my work here), you know my likes and dislikes. This is, for me, just another part of my life I choose to share with you. I don't want you to think of me differently because of this post. And if you see me in real life; don't act differently around me. I'm not made off glass, you'll not accidentally (or on purpose) going to break me.
   I'm not any different from before I wrote this. I'm still the same person, and I will act the same way. Me being depressed and you knowing about it, does not change me.
   Finally I'd like to say some that's meant for those of you who are struggling with depression, or think you might be: talk to someone. Professional is preferred, but if you feel you can't, talk to someone close to you. Your best friend, your parents, your boyfriend, girlfriend or partner, your best bud at work.

   It doesn't matter who you talk to, the point is that you do. Trust me, nothing will be better because you don't share your thoughts with anyone. It can only get better from that point.
   Lastly, I want to tell you that I'm getting better. I'm fighting hard, I'm making more positive decisions for myself, and I'm making progress. This wouldn't be possible without the people who are closest to me: I love you all so much! I feel better than I did last January, and a lot better than the year before. It's amazing to notice the changes, I even sleep better. I'm on my way back up from the harsh state depression brings you into, and hopefully I will soon be able to call myself well.
   If any of you are struggling with depression, or even of you just are at a personal low: things actually do get better, it's not just something people say to cheer you up. Keep fighting, if I can do it, so can you!

Shorter Days

   Lately, I feel like I have less time than others. As if, instead of 24 hours, my days have only 20 or 22 hours instead. I feel like time flies by without me having done almost anything, like I honestly have less time than the people around me. I have tons of things to at the moment (January will be the month which I have 4 exams, start new classes, and move, among other, smaller things) which makes the time flee even faster, the more busy you are, the less time you seem to have. It's pretty common, I would think.
   I however hope that January, no matter how busy it will be, will also result in me growing as a person, learning new things about the world and myself, and make me a better and happier person. After all, these are all positive things, which I have chosen for myself, there's nothing here that I actually have to do, there's just positive choices and things I'm looking forward to, or have chosen for myself in the past.
   Because despite all the things that are going on in my life, despite being so busy and having so much to do, I feel blessed and happy. I'll continue to work forward on all the things in my life. So yes, despite all the stuff happening, despite my days feeling shorter than the average human being's days, I'm still going to look at this in a positive way. Because really, my days feeling short only shows me that there are a multitude of good things happening right now, and I get to take part in all of them. How great is that?!

I Bathed In Purple

   Today I bathed in purple for the first time, it was pretty interesting. I felt like I was bathing in a cloud at sunset, it was awesome. I mean look at it, it looks absolutely magical. The smell was also endeering, like swimming in soft perfume. I got the bath bomb from my mother as part of my Christmas presents, and if you're reading this, it was an awesome present! (Which makes me happy to know that I've already bought two more for myself, one orange and one yellow, I'm going to make very goood use of those when I get back to Åbo).
   Today was also pretty intense when it came to other things. I started the day in a completely different place (the cabin where we celebrated New Year's Eve), and ended it here, in my teenage bedroom, sitting on my bed with my laptop, cozying up with some Grimm and a nice chat with my boyfriend. But the intense part was this: since I'll be moving to a bigger apartment, I'll have the opportunity to bring more stuff with me, and most of today was spent sorting out my cabinets and deciding what stuff to take with when my mom and dad bring more of my furniture. I have a lot of stuff here still, and I won't be able to bring everything, so I also had to pick what could be left here.
   It turns out I had a lot more clothes than I remembered, and I like quite a lot of them, meaning there will be quite a few boxes to bring, but I think we'll be able to handle it.

A New Year, and the Hopes for It

   It's a new year, welcome to 2018 everyone! I can't tell you how happy I am that the crapfest that was last year is over, because honestly, things can only go up from here. At least, I got to spend the last day of 2017 with someone I love. We celebrated calmly, just eating some fancy chocolates and drinking some wine, and both of us have very positive hopes for the upcoming year.

   As always, I'm going to share my new year's resolutions with you.
   I have a lot of promises to myself this year, some more personal than others. The most important one though, is that I really want to be healthier as a person. My food is pretty okay, I eat a lot of salads, fruits and veggies. The snacks are the real problems. I've gotten much better, but I have more improvement to do, since I eat unhealthy snacks very often, and I can honestly tell you that I won't stop eating snacks completely, because I like it way too much, but I will try to cut back on them. I'm also going to join the gym, together with my boyfriend, and will start working out as soon as my cold clears up.
   I also promised myself that I will try to travel in 2018. Since I'm a student, I'm on a really tight budget, but me and Theo were thinking we might go for a weekend in Stockholm or Tallinn during the spring/summer, whenever there's time. Both of us like exploring new places and trying new things, and though I have already been to Tallinn and to Stockholm (the latter a few times, actually), they feel like good places to start with.

   In 2018, I want to improve my blog and my youtube channel. I have a lot of things to improve: the design of the blog I would love to change, I'd prefer if it represented me more. I also want to improve the content, the style of the blog posts, and the quality of the videos that I upload on my youtube channel. In short, I want to improve everything. I have a lot of things to improve otherwise too: I want to be consistent, when it comes to all of my social medias, I want to post daily/weekly, depending on the medium (do not expect daily vlogs, haha), and I want the overall quality to increase.

   I also want to share with you that I've promised myself to improve the way I view myself. I often look at the things I don't have: the talents I lack, the possessions other's have, and a whole bunch of other negative things. For 2018, I would like to work on liking myself more, focusing on the talents I actually do have. I may not be able to reach high places because I'm short, but I can lift things weighing more than I do without any difficulty. I may not be able to run fast, or draw well, but I can write essays quicker than anyone else I've talked to and I have a way with words.

   The final thing I want to share with you is something that I've wanted to improve on for quite a long time. In 2018, I want to enchance my cultural knowledge. In 2018, I want to read more books. I want to find more music, I want to watch more great movies and tvshows. I want to see more art, go to more historical places. I want to end 2018 by feeling that I know more than I did when it begun.

   So those are my new year's resolutions for the upcoming year, except the obvious one (you know like: in 2018, I want to be happy, and surround myself with people I love, because who doesn't have that as a goal). Some people think resolutions are ridiculous, that you shouldn't make them, or that they don't make a difference. I don't know if they make a difference, but I have always fulfilled mine, and I hope this year will continue that tradition.

   What are your goals for the new year? What will you improve on, or what do you hope to do during the year? What are the places you want to visit, what do you want to experience? Tell me in the comments!