Running a Blog

   Running a blog is a very interesting thing, because the lines of what's okay to post are very blurry. You always reach a point where you want to be personal with your readers and followers, wanting to share your life with them. But then agian, what crosses the line into oversharing? What are they going to be comfortable reading about, and what will you be comfortable with sharing with the world? What about those around you, are they comfortable with being mentioned on your social media, comfortable with an audience hearing their names or seeing their faces?
   Many of these things, I learned the hard way. I learned that there are people who will take everything as an insult, or personal attack, no matter what you say or how you word it. I learned that a lot of people close to me aren't that comfortable with me sharing things about them for hundreds to see, and that some of them want to be known only by name or not even by that. I understood this after quite a few mistakes, so now when I get close to new people, I always ask before I post anything about them at all, because I still remember how crappy I felt when exposing someone to something they weren't prepared for or comfortable with.
   I've learned quite a lot about myself. There are subjects that I love writing about, no matter how personal, and a few that I stay so far away from lightyears wouldn't be a large enough unit to describe the distance accurately. I've also learned quite valuable things, for example, how to capture interest or grow and how annoying it is when people forward something you've created as if it were their own. I've learned how to plan ahead for days when I might be sick and the value of always having a notepad with me where ever I go. But most of all, I've learned how to explore myself creatively.
   I'm not the type of person who likes a lot of direct attention, but I've learned to love it when it's through a screen. I've learned that some days I'm comfortable sharing, some days I'm not, and that that's perfectly fine. I've learned that it's perfectly okay to be myself, even online where people often are more judgemental than in real life. I'm even starting to learn how to use my blog as a side income, slowly but surely, taking baby steps.
   I want to thank all of you who have been with me through this amazing learning process, and all of you who keep returning, day after day to read my ramblings and mediocre poems. I want to encourage all of you to express yourself creatively, and be yourself no matter what happens in your lives. People will accept you, just like all of you have accepted me. Thank you.
~
(picture credit 1st: theblogstarter.com, picture credit 2nd: Click to Tweet))

En sjuklings plats

Hon ser så mycket från sitt fönster
ett älskande par på promenad
små barn som ritar vackra mönster
på gatorna, med kritorna, på rad

Hon ser så mycket från sin plats
stora fönster i väggarna på hus
en fågel som snabbt tar sats
och flyger högt över stadens brus

Hon ser så mycket från sitt säte
en blå himmel över hennes stad
hör människors skratt och hundars läte
aldrig har hon varit så glad

Hon ser så mycket från sin stol
där han håller hennes bleka hand
den dömda staden från ifjol
är genom honom ett förlovat land

The Jungle Book

   Based on the books by Rudyard Kipling, the movie depicts a young boy, Mowgli, raised by wolves in the jungle. The pack, led by Akela, has accepted Mowgli as one of their own after he was brought to the pack by the panther Bagheera. As dry seasons comes, the animals of the jungle gather to drink water, a tiger with a  burnt face shows up, picking up Mowgli's scent. The tiger, Shere Khan, got his face burned by Mowgli's father, and is out for revenge. In an attempt to protect Mowgli, Bagheera tries to force him back, but when learning Shere Khan is terrorizing his pack, the young boy returns to fight the tiger.
   Having enjoyed the books at a young age, I can honestly say that this is one of the few remakes that actually worked out in favor of the movie. With impeccable CGI and a talented child actor (Neel Sethi) playing the part of Mowgli, the movie is more than memorable and will probably remain in my thoughts for quite a while.
   Highly recommended if you are a fan of Disney's work, the original books or just a movie fanatic in general!

Day #150

   I'm very, very tired at the moment, it's almost 2. Today has been a very productive day, I managed to study for a full four hours before completely giving up, I've posted and prepared several blog posts and at the moment, all I want to do is sleep.
   I have spent the past hour talking to my boyfriend and playing pidro online with him (if you don't know what that is, you can try it out by clicking here). It's a lot of fun, and one of the few activities we can share despite currently being so far apart.
   I've always heard that if you're tired in the evening, that's a good thing, because that means that you've actually accomplished something during the day, and I'd like to think that I have. I look forward to signing off and hopefully sleeping throughout the night again.
   Goodnight from a very sleepy blogger!

20 Things About Me

1. My birthday is 4th of June 1997, so I'm turning 20 this sunday (hence the 20 things, because symbolism)
2. I love animals, and my next pet is going to be a turtle, and I consider myself to be both a cat and a dog person
3. My favorite kind of icecream is coconut, but I love every taste of icecream I've tried so far
4. If I could go on a trip and go anywhere in the world, I would love to go to Brazil and take long walks in the rainforest, taking beautiful pictures and taking in the gorgeous nature
5. I'm more into sunsets than I am into sunrise, but I love the vibrant colors in both
6. Despite me always dressing in black, my favorite color isn't black. They are actually green and purple
7. I love horror movies, though I tend to get pretty scared when watching them
8. Of all the things I love the most in life, books, warm blankets and a nice cup of hot tea are both very high up on the list
9. I find philosophy to be an interesting subject and if I wasn't studying biology, I would probably be studying either that or history

10. I don't have a clear "best friend", like many women have, but I do have several close ones and I love them to the moon and back
11. I watch a lot of different tvshows, my favorites being American Horror Story and Supernatural
12. I consider myself to be an atheist and I don't believe in any kind of higher power, but I consider the human soul to be a very powerful thing
13. I find grey eyes to be the most beautiful, my own are blue
14. If I could marry any celebrity, I would marry Misha Collins, because I find all his charity work fascinating and he seems like a genuine, colorful person
15. I have very liberal views politically (yes, you are allowed to argue with me on this, I am well prepared)
16. My favorite kind of flower is dark red roses, so dark they almost become purple
17. I love living in the city, but I occasionally miss the countryside too
18. Autumn is my favorite season
19. If I could choose a historical figure to have dinner with, I would choose Leonardo da Vinci, because I would love to pick his brain a little
20. In 10 years, I hope that I'll have published at least one book published, and I'd love to have several pets and a partner who loves me

Börja Om

Regndroppar faller i mitt hår
så svårt att tro att det är vår
när sinnet fördunklas av mörkret så stark
tankar gråa som aspars bark

Hur ska jag fira att sommar är här
när huvudet så dystra tankar bär
när jag är trött i kropp och i sinne
mörkrets odjur fördunklar mitt minne

Se hur jag skrattar, gläds och ler
men mitt ansikte lögner er ger
i mitt huvud är jag tom,
önskar och tänker "jag vill börja om"

Good Morning

   A small miracle has occurred in my life; I managed to sleep through the night, without a single moment of waking up inbetween. As some of you may know, this is highly unusual for me, and resulted in me waking up feeling energized, like my body knew that I needed some extra energy today. I also slept in just a tad, since I'm not on some kind of schedule, but at least today I woke up at 10, and didn't fall back asleep, which is great.
   The reason for my extra large energy consumption today are my studies. As some of you are aware, I still have exams to get through before I can start to really enjoy summer, and go visit my parents during the warmer months of the year. Both chemistry and biology are still in my way, but I'm confident that I'll make it through both subjects if I just manage to focus properly (something that's actually quite hard for me, believe it or not).
   I feel like a lot is happening all at once, my birthday on Sunday for example. These are not really things that stress me a lot separately, but when they're all together, I'm starting to feel a little bit of pressure. Still the kind of pressure that drives me forward and motivates me, but I'm actually kind of worried that it might turn out to be a tad much. I'm sure I can handle it though, no matter what kind of stress it turns out to be.

Content & Pressure

   I've been thinking about posting more lately, but everything I post seems unoriginal and mundane to me, making the content I create nothing short of boring for me. It's not that I'm tired of blogging, at least I don't think that's where the issue really is, but I'm certainly running low on ideas, and as my audience I think that you deserve only the best kind of content I can bring myself to produce, making this very hard and unnerving for me as the pressure builds.
   It's not that I think you just cling to my word, and I know that most of you "only" check in on the blog a couple of times a week, so if I'm not posting daily/several times a day, it doesn't bother you as much. It does however bother me, since I feel like I'm not doing the best I'm capable of. I've got so much on my mind lately that it's hard to focus on any one thing at all, no matter how much I love doing it.
   I also want you to know that no matter the stress level, or how busy I am, I will always have time to work on my writing, especially here. I've come to know a sense of acceptance and appreciation for the things I post, and I need you to understand that no matter how much I think I currently suck at this, your feedback is always valuable to me, for what's a blog if it doesn't have an audience?
   I miss the time when I could just sit down at my desk, a cup of tea in my hand, and watch my ideas just flow from my fingers into a text, no matter what kind. But now it somehow takes so much more time to actually come up with something that I like.

Day #149

   Many of you already know this, but I'm a huge Marvel-fan. The movies, the comics, the characters... All of it just speeks to me on a deep level, both personal and creative. So today's positive choice was easy, I got to watch the Avengers with my boyfriend. Originally, he's not that into superheroes/comics, but I appreciate the effort he puts into liking something just because I do. I, of course, try to do the same for his interests, which I think is the most healthy approach.
   Today was a very lazy day in general, meaning I didn't do much else than watch movies and talk to him on Skype, I however cleaned the apartment and went for a short walk during the afternoon. However, I'm starting to get a tiny bit of a headache, so I'm considering going to bed pretty soon before it evolves into a fullblown headache/migraine.

Sleepless

   Last night I had the worst night's sleep in several years. I slept two hours, with long periods of being awake inbetween. Today's been spent in a state of sleep depraved struggling to keep awake. I don't really know what happened, I'm thinking it must be just the stress and the loads of work I have to do. Maybe the emotional stress of yesterday caught up to me, I don't know.
   Being tired is one of the worst things I know, I hate the feeling of knowing that you have hundreds of things you should be doing, but all you can manage is either sleeping or wishing you were asleep. That's what I spent most of today doing, however, I've managed to do a little bit of laundry, which was well needed. I know I could have slept longer in the morning, or taken a nap, but my sleep schedule has been very bad the past weeks and I want (and need) to fix that in order to be able to study properly.
   I hope that I'll have a more satisfying night's sleep tonight. I'm deciding to take today off completely and only do small things, so that my body won't overwork itself in the process. I'm looking forward to going to bed early tonight.

Day #148

   Today has been a really stressful day for me, with problems to ranging from technical difficulties and the emotional stress of my boyfriend leaving to go back home. There is now about 400 kilometres separating us, so thinking of something positive today has been really hard.
   However, I managed to think of the conversation that we had via Skype. It was great getting to talk to him and see him via webcam, but it also reminded me of how far away he is. It's about the only thing that's positive, though it gave me some very mixed feelings, and I decided to make it the positive choice of today because of that. It's very strange to know that I can't just go over to his apartment and see him whenever I feel like it.
   Yet I hope that we'll both learn something from spending time apart, and I like the comfort of knowing that no matter where he is or what he's doing, I can always reach him, if I feel the need to.

Departure

   Today's the day my boyfriend leaves to go back home. I'm going to stay in Åbo for another few weeks due to still having exams, and having to be without him feels very weird. The past weeks I've spent so much time with him that I'm actually concerned about what to do with all my free time once he leaves (I'm joking, I'm going to be too busy studying to have free time). And though I know people have spent much more time apart, I still feel like this is going to be very hard for me. I'm a very affectionate person, i for example miss my friends back home on a daily basis, even though I moved away almost a year ago.
   There are also some good things about being apart, of course. We'll probably appreciate the time we have together later this summer a lot more because of it, and we'll both have time to concentrate on other things rather than just hanging out with eachother.
   Still, a part of me wishes he didn't have to leave, since I know I'm going to miss his company.

Only Human

   One of my close friends sent me this picture a couple of days ago, and this morning it suddenly appeared in my mind again. Upon receiving it through whatsapp, my first thought was "Oh my God, this is so important" and the second one "Yet people seem to keep forgetting it..."
   Today I want to be your reminder that if you're going through something that's tough for you, that takes a lot of energy, if you're sad or hurt... It's perfectly fine. The advice "if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be"gets thrown around a lot, and while it's true, people often forget that it's normal to need a break whenever something hard happens, it's okay to need some time to yourself or to need relaxation in times of stress.
   People often tell others to just shake things off, to turn the other cheek, to accept it and move on. However, in a lot of cases people tend to not consider what kind of state them themselves would be in, if the incident had happened to them. It's very easy to tell someone else to "get over it" if the same thing hasn't happened to you.
   If you are in fact going through a rough patch in your life right now, and you feel like you might need some extra time to think, do something different, or just be alone: know that it's perfectly fine to feel that way. You are only human, after all, and putting the pressure of "always being on top of things" on yourself is bound to end in disaster. Things will work out for you, like they always do, but in the meantime, make sure you take time to yourself, if you feel the need to.

Day #147

   As all of you probably know by now, I enjoy food, a lot. So today me and my boyfriend decided to do something different, and go out to eat instead of just eating at home. He recommended Yangtze, a chinese restaurant that I had yet to try. Reserving a table, just to be safe, we went out at 8.
   My boyfriend had expressed very positive opinions about the place, meaning I of course had quite high expectations, and for once I wasn't disappointed. Sadly, good chinese food is really hard to come by, and often what you're looking for isn't what you end up getting.
   Luckily, at Yangtze, you get exactly what you want in the field of high quality chinese food.

"But you look so young!"

   I'm turning 20 in a week from tomorrow. Yay me, right? Yet another milestone is behind me and I now have the privelege to buy liquor, how fantastic (I'm joking...). But something keeps bothering me, quite a lot.
   After I turned 18, whenever I got asked the question "how old are you?" and I'd answer truthfully, people would always be surprised. "But you look so young! Like 15, 16 at most." And originally, it wasn't a problem, since I would just jokingly tell them that it's great, since when I'm having my midlife crisis at 40, I could calm myself by knowing I still looked like 36. However, now it's getting a little bit annoying, because I've been hearing it for almost two years... I know I look tiny, okay?! 
   And I'm not even sure why people keep telling me this. What makes me come off like a teenager still? Is it the hair, is it my behavior, is it because I'm jittery and energetic? Maybe it's because I'm so short? (Which people also keep pointing out for some reason, despite me being only a few centimetres below average. I'm not that short! Please stop it.)
   I'm not saying that if you point out that people are short, tall or just look younger/older than they are, you are an asshole. It depends a lot on the way you go about talking about it, I for example don't appreciate being called "tiny" by people who are taller than me, or older, or when people bend down to talk to me.
   And besides, if someone really does look young for their age, or is taller/shorter than you're used to, they probably get to hear it a lot. So maybe don't point it out every time you see them, because it does get annoying after a few times.
This has been a PSA. Thank you.

Writer's Block

(Warning, rant incoming)
   I'm having the worst writer's block in the history of writer's blocks. I keep writing and nothing turns out the way I want it to, and now I'm so frustrated I'm starting to give up hope completely. For some reason, this writer's block only applies to my blog. The creative work I'm doing is going just fine, and I don't get it! Writer's block is usually about creative writing, and I haven't had any problem with creativity, ever. But blogging on the other hand, is really hard today. I've been doing all the usual stuff, reading the news, reading other people's blogs, watching new youtube videos to gather inspiration... And nothing has worked so far! So yes, I have now come to a conclusion, and now I'm trying to get rid of my writer's block by writing about my writer's block. Yes, it sounds stupid, but if it works, it's not stupid.
   I was actually originally thinking about working ahead today, writing blog posts and come up with ideas for the future as well, since I'll have a lot of things to do during the following weeks and I didn't know whether I was going to have the time for blogging, but I still want you to have around the same amount of content even if I'm busy. Hopefully, I'll have the time to do this tomorrow, or tonight, or whenever my douchebag of an inspiration decides to come back.

Day #145

   Today's positive thing was a really easy choice; I've always loved taking walks, and making myself able to sit down for the rest of the day with a clean conscience, I decided to take a walk during the afternoon today. I knew sitting down would be a huge part of my days, since it almost always is, being a student I have become accustomed to sitting down for the most part of my day (something that, as you probably know, isn't very good for your body, or for your mind for that matter),

   I was accompanied by my boyfriend, who decided to come along after I asked him. We decided to go to a nearby park, and I had originally not planned for us to be outside for a really long time, but it ended up lasting almost 2 hours. Not that I'm complaining, I love being outside, the more the better I end up feeling. Besides, doing things spontaneously often means things turn out more fun and interesting than they originally were meant to be. I rarely get to be particularly spontaneous, which makes each time ten times more fun and exciting. The ability to do something without several weeks of planning is a highly underrated talent if you ask me. Being able to do only planned things often means a lot of trouble if the plans don't work out exactly the way they were originally meant to, so the skill of improvisation is important in many different situations. For example, I know that I need to become better at this, because planning is often a large part of everything that I do, and I want to be able to change my mind in the middle of things, not just follow a precisely drawn out plan.

   We decided to go to Kuppisparken, which is quite a large, and very beautiful, in town. I personally love the place, not that I dislike any parks I've been in so far. I love the sense of open spaces with a side of forest to it, and I love the feeling of being outside and in nature without having to leave the city (though it's not quite the same as going into the forests around my mom and dad's place). The relaxation that follows taking a walk is also one of my favorite parts of the day, as you feel like you've physically accomplished something, without being too exhausted to do anything else for the rest of the day.
   I'm also well aware of the fact that I'm probably sitting down way to much, spending most of my time using my computer or studying. It's said that you should only sit down for two hours every day, and I'm positive that I'm sitting for at least six hours every day, and probably a lot more than that.
   The rest of today will probably be spent in the light of work, both creative, some for the blog and some things for school. I still have a few things to take care of before I get to leave for summer, but I have everything under control so far. It doesn't hurt to stay working ahead of schedule, making sure there is enough time to make every deadline. I'm hoping for nice weather tomorrow as well, so that I can spend some more time outside.

   I hope that you are all taking advantage of the summer-like weather and that you are all looking forward to summer just like I am!

Time Waster

   Today I realised that I'm not a very time efficient person. For the past two hours, I've been working on a personal project of mine, managing to add about 1000 words into the mix that was already messy, figuring out nothing more about the project than I had known since yesterday. Keep in mind, that this took me two hours (the same amount of time I put into my school work on a daily bases, after school ends). I spent most of those 2 hours texting, eating and tagging people in interesting things on Instagram. If there was a "Time Waster of the Year" award, I would be getting it. I know no other person that this effectively wastes both their own and other's time.
   Speaking of Instagram, that app is the death of all productivity. No matter if it's aesthetic posts about something colorful and happy, textposts from tumblr or memes, I find myself scrolling through this app of time-killing numbness throughout my day (not to mention that I keep posting several times a day on there myself). How people get anything done with all these distractions completely baffle me. How can you work for several hours on your project when you could be looking at adorable dogs instead? I just don't get it. I get distracted by everything the universe has to offer, and then there are some people who can just sit down and concentrate on what they're supposed to be doing.
   Life is very unfair today. I'm going to go look at more dogs and spend another two hours doing basically nothing.

Pens ~ A Narrative

  I have an abundance of pens. Every color, every shape, pens and pencils in every imaginable size, used and not yet used… My entire office is filled with them. What a weird thing to collect, some might think. Why wouldn’t you collect something with value, something like fine vases, paintings or even expensive cups? But my beloved pens are  just like any other collection in the world. My pens are something special to me, and every single one has a story.

  The yellow one with small flowers on it, I got for my birthday five years ago. My daughter gave it to me, saying she knew that I loved pens “almost as much as you love me and mommy”. Yellow is her favorite color, and thus I keep it in the pen stand on my desk, at a spot where I can see it no matter where in the room I am.

In the bottom drawer, there is an old lead pencil, only a centimetre long, rolling around without a case. It was the first pen I bought when I started college, and the only one I used during the first three weeks.

  I don’t think I have ever thrown a pen away.

  I got the blue one on my desk during the first date I went on with my wife. She picked it up from the ground, where it had rested between a small twig and a piece of chewed gum, astonished that someone would throw such a fine object away so carelessly. She smiled as she gave it to me, and it has been with me ever since.

  The problem with collecting pens however, is that they’re ordinary. When someone dies and leaves a collection of art, no one questions whether they should be kept or not, same goes for a collector’s edition of fine cutlery.  But pens are ordinary. When I die, who will keep my collection? My ordinary pens, representing parts of an extraordinary life… Only a few will understand the value of a pen.

  A pen is a very ordinary object, when held in the hand of any one person. But give a pen to a person harboring an idea, and watch the world change around you. An invention, a drawing, a book or a poem, the first draft to an excellent movie… Everything is lost without a pen. Without a way to express them, thoughts remain inside us, and even though it is said that you can’t kill an idea, you can certainly kill the person harboring it.

  When it is my time to go, and none of the ideas left in my head will ever be put to paper, who will take on my collection? For pens are, after all,  such ordinary objects. Aren’t they?

A Writer At Heart

   One of the most difficult things with wanting to be a writer, and studying something completely different (I think most people would agree that oceonological and environmental biology is quite the opposite of creative writing) is that my priorities are completely twisted. Far too often my thought process goes "I have a test tomorrow? Oh but look at this half-written short story about penguins!".
   It's not that I don't do my assignments or study for my tests, because I do. I study a lot and spend time doing things for school, but I have always and probably always will enjoy and spend more time on my creative work. Though I am passionate about the things I actually do study, writing will always be my first and biggest passion, that's never going to change. I love creating, that's just the way it is, and no matter that the job market is tough for everyone who wants to do anything creative at all, I will always work harder doing this than anything else in the entire world.
   I think most people who write feel this way; that the other things aren't as important as all the stories floating around in your head, that haven't yet made it down on paper. However, that's only if you're truly passionate about what you do. I remember reading "if the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning is writing, you're a writer" once, many years ago. These words have stuck with me since then. I continue to follow them today, and I probably always will.

Day #143

Today  has been a really positive day, though it started off quite rough with me rolling out of bed feeling bad about myself, my stress levels and basically every other thing in my life. On mornings like this one, I feel particularly lucky about having such amazing support from my friends and other people in my life, since my boyfriend is the main reason I eventually cheered up.
The positive choice for today is making pizza, something I have really missed doing. I love home made pizza, since I feel store bought ones often become dry and cracker-like in the oven. As toppings bacon, salami, ham and a lot of cheese were chosen, and though my cholesterol is now screaming at me wondering why I thought this was a good idea, I regret nothing.

Give

If there was no such thing as possession
Do you think the world would still be the same?
Would people still admire Kanye,
who has only money to his name?
Would you look up to the same people
wanting their riches and fame?

If admiration was based on actions
would you change who you admire?
Would money, fame and looks
still be your only desire?
Or would you think for once about
what the rest of the people require?

When it's time, your bill is due,
will you be charged based on what you did?
Or just on the things you owned
when you were an adult and as a kid?
Listen close, and you shall hear,
an interesting change I bid.

If we change what we value
for a month, a week or even a day
Would we still view ourself the same
and think the same way?

Where not owning things is misery
In a material world we live,
And everyone seeks fame and glory
But please, instead of "money" desire "to give"

Just A Thought

I was recently asked by someone close to me (who knows that I write a lot, not only for the public and also things that only I get to read, and that I work a lot creatively in general) where I get my ideas. This was really eye-opening for me. I've never really thought about how I get my ideas, where they come from and when they appear, and getting asked that question made me see my thought process in a different light.
   I, like many others who write a lot and do many different things, have a lot of things going on in my head. I often describe it as "I can't think of only one thing at a time", meaning my thoughts jump so quickly from place to place that sometimes even I can't keep up and need to rewind through the thought process to figure out how I came to the conclusion that I did. This does wonders for me creatively, since it's very easy to get ideas, but it becomes troubling in many everyday situations. I often get "trapped" inside my thoughts, thinking about something, completely unaware of my surroundings. Another common problem is overthinking, where I analyse every single outcome of everything that I do, often resulting in not daring to do anything at all.
   I realised that also I'm a very opinionated person in general. I read a lot of news, follow news channels on social media, getting new information in an almost unlimited amount, gaining new perspectives and finding out new things on hundreds of different topics every month. This sparks an internal discussion, often leading to the blog posts you see here.
   I also dream some of the things I write, but those are mostly kept to myself. Some of the short stories I've posted on my previous blogs have origianlly been dreams, but other than that, they most of the time become poems.
   These three things lead to the fact that I almost never suffer from writer's block, which is a relief. The few times I've experienced it, have been so frustrating that I'm now eternally grateful for my gift of a messy mind. There is nothing as unforgiving as a blank sheet of paper in front of you.
   To the other creative minds reading this (because I know there are quite a few of you), I greatly encourage you to think about your own in and output of creative energy, and how you can gain a wider perspective on your writing or your art. Read the news, read new books, read poetry... Expand your mind and your horizon, it will increase the amount you create and the quality of it!

Day #141

   Today's been lovely so far. I've slept in (I figured that was okay since it was sunday), and I got to spend time outside in lovely weather. Me and my boyfriend went out for a small picnic in the park, deciding to take advantage of the great weather. We just had some simple rolls to eat, but spending time in the sun and warmth was wellneeded for the both of us. Stress is really knocking on my door at the moment, and time outside is just what I need to make everything work. I'm like a flower; sunlight gives me energy. I just love it, and I honestly think the only reason I'm keeping it together as well as I have so far, is because I spend so much time outside and know the importance of relaxation.
   I'm starting to feel like summer is coming along nicely, even though it had quite a slow start. Having a bit over 20 degrees today, the warmth is more than welcome. Too bad I've still got several tests before I get to take off for summer, so spending too much time in the sun won't be possible (which might actually be a good thing, since I managed to get sunburnt on my shoulder today (not too bad though, it's just a bit annoying, and itchy) by some kind of miracle of doom). Hopefully it'll go away soon though, and let's hope it doesn't happen again!

Day #140

(I got home late last night, so I was too tired to post anything. Here is yesterday's positive choices, only a day late!)
   I spent yesterday in great company, watching the hockey game with one of the most important people in my life and his friends. Sadly, we lost, but hanging out with fun and interesting people is always a gain. As I don't really know them, getting to spend time with them is of course interesting as well, as I love getting to know new people.
   New people in your life often gives you a brand new perspective on things, and they open your eyes to new things and opportunities, something that is almost negative. Opening your eyes and seeing the world in a different way allows you to understand and get along with a larger range of people with different mentalities.
   I also got to walk home in some gorgeous weather, which was a huge bonus. For once it actually felt like summer was coming, since the sky was clear, the breeze was warm and I didn't freeze to death by walking around without a jacket. I'm very much looking forward to more of this kind of weather, since summer is a bit of a favorite season for me.
   I keep noticing that I'm seeing more and more positive things in my life, even if it's something small like watching a new tv show or something bigger, like summer holidays coming up. It's amazing what a positive perspective can do for a person. I feel more energized and happy, and the bad emotions I'm so used to having are all fading more and more. Maybe it's all because of the sunny weather, or maybe it's because of my new perspective on things. I've decided to not question it and just be grateful for the change. I feel like I deserve to feel better, I've been stressed and feeling bad for so long, maybe it's finally time for me to feel good about life.
#forabetterme

Just Be Yourself

I have never understood why people act like they're something they're not. If someone I knew turned out to be fake as a person, I wouldn't be mad, just confused. I have never understood why people feel like they need to look or act a certain way. Why would you want to have friends, or partners, who don't like you and hang out with you for the real you?
I'm not saying you should always say everything that comes to you, or never take other's feelings into consideration. I'm saying you should be the best version of yourself and show all the positive and lovely things about you.
Some people are scared that people will find them annoying if they show them their true selves, or that no one will like or love them. But there are friends out in the world for everyone, no matter what you're like. Be yourself and trust yourself, and good things will come to you. I know they come to me every day, in the shape of living my dream and being loved and cared for by everyone close to me. Being flawed doesn't make you worth any less, it just makes you human, and if the people around you are worth your time and energy, they will love those flaws as much as they love you.

If you don't like what's out there...

If you don't like the news: go make your own. A phrase known by many, but not enough people take it seriously. The papers are only reporting war and crime? Do something that helps make peace. You're tired of reading about poverty? Then donate to charity and help those in need. If you don't like the creative content out there: make your own. Comics don't make you laugh? Make your own and spread your kind of humor to make yourself and others smile. If you don't find literature that suits you, someone else is probably looking for it too.
Complaining is the most easy, because that means you don't have to do anything to improve yourself or the world around you. It's easy to complain about what others do, what they make and poke holes in what they believe in, but until you've tried to change the world around you, you will have no idea what it's like. Critiquing is easy, but handling critisism is a lot harder. If you want something to change, maybe you should stop sitting around and complaining about it, and actually try to contribute to the change you wish for.
Change doesn't happen just because you want it to, and it doesn't happen overnight. Change takes time and dedication, and until you're ready to show your passion about a subject and you're willing to make a concious effort to improve the world around you, I don't see how you could possibly have the right to complain.

Religious Extremists

Always a hot button in social media and the news, terrorism has been on the minds of many lately. Members of Islam have been targeted by discrimination because of this, and are suffering because of what a small number of people belonging to their religion are doing. I am well  aware that the most known terror group at the moment, is ISIS, but we need to keep in mind that ISIS isn't Islam, nor does it reflect every aspect the religion covers.
Much like christianity, Islam is originally a religion of peace, with most of it's members preaching about love and peace. Christianity and Islam share a lot of common ground, with many of the teachings sharing similarities. And we all know that Christianity has it's fare share of history with terror, however in a different era than Islam. The Crusades, for example, featured bloodshed and death in great numbers, and were mostly on Christian initiative.
I am in no way defending the actions of ISIS, but what we need to remember in times of terror is that every religion has extremists, and that those extremists are the only dangerous part of religion. Just like most Christians don't believe the crusades were justified, most who follow Islam take a stance against terrorism in the modern era.
Fear has a funny way of making us generalise a lot of things. We need to remember that extremists are dangerous, religious people aren't. There is a huge difference, most religious people don't believe in violence, following the teaching of the Bible, Quran or any other holy book in a peaceful way, believe in peace and love, even across the boarders of religion.
We need to stand united, no matter what. Religious or not, terror is not justified. The Earth will stand united against terror, regardless of the actions of extremists. No matter what you believe in, you can be a good person, who makes good choices and have a good influence on the world. No matter your religion, spreading positive energy will always be rewarded.

The Descent: Part 2

Two days after entering the cave, an exhausted and blood-covered Sarah emerges from the cave and ends up in the local hospital. As the sheriff in town finds out about her being a part of the missing party of six, he tries to interrogate her. But to no fault of her own, Sarah has lost her memory, pushing the traumatic experiences away from her conscious mind. The sheriff now comes to the conclusion that, in order to find the other women, Sarah needs to enter the cave again, jogging her memory and allowing her to give hints as to where the other women are. Alongside his assisting officer and a climbing team, he re-introduces Sarah to the cave system. Re-living the horrifying experiences, Sarah finds something she had never expected in the caves...
Compared to the first movie (which you can read about here) this movie was a total failure. Following almost the exact same pattern, Part 2 gives us nearly no new information, and follows the same guidelines when it comes to scaring the viewers. Paranoia, claustrophobia, jump scares and gore are large parts of this movie as well, and the ending is extremely unsatisfying, as we get no reason for the final actions on screen. I wouldn't watch the movie again, but I don't consider it to be a total waste of time (even though it's close).
If you loved the first movie, you could watch this one, but I wouldn't really recommend it.

Day #137

Today's positive choice is also really easy, but very important. As I have a lot of tests to get through before I get to go home, I've spent today studying for several hours. I still have no clue what I'm supposed to do in chemistry, but I feel like I'm slowly getting closer and closer to actually understanding what happens during the reactions and the examples. I'm not quite there yet, but it's something.
Chemistry has always been hard for me, so understanding even the slightest bit of it is a large step in the right direction, especially since I find studying on my own is one of the most boring things ever.

The Descent

A year after surviving the car crash which killed her husband and daughter, Sarah joins five of her friends on an adventurous trip. Juno, one of her friends, has chosen a wellknown cave-system to explore, but after the group of women have descended into the darkness, Juno admits that the cave system she chose is actually one that has never been named, and they soon discover old climbin eqiupment, meaning the groups exploring the cave before them never made it out. Using flares and flashlights the women start exploring the cave, hoping to find a way out, but surely becoming more and more lost when they wander the narrow passages in the system.
After being lost for a while, Sarah claims she's seen a man wandering around in the cave, insisting that they try asking for help, however Juno claims the gear they found was at least a hundred years old and everyone that came down using it should be a skeleton by now. Sarah still believes and what she saw, and it turns out she's right... Almost anyway. They soon encounter humanoid creatures, who have evolved perfectly to live down in the caves... And they're hungry.
Being one of the few horror movies that managed to actually scare me, I'd say it is an extremely well-made movie. The claustrophobic horror movie is rich in gore, so if you're sensitive when it comes to blood and guts, you should probably stay far away from this one. The movie uses several kinds of horror to create an almost perfect piece, everything from claustrophobia to paranoia to gushing blood and cannibalism. Plucking on the strings of pure evolutionary fear for everything that resembles human but really isn't, the movie has a classic yet fresh approach, balancing both perfectly. The interesting camera work is an added bonus, since many of the shots are anything but traditional and brings on a new view on scenery.
I would highly recommend this movie to any horror fan, but it is not for the faint of heart, and younger viewers should avoid it. An absolute must-watch for those who enjoy the horror genre!

Day #136

I have never in my life found it this hard to study. The weather outside is amazing, and I can't help but wish I was outside instead of forcing myself to study chemistry for the rest of the day. However, today's positive thing has nothing to do with the weather. It was very simple, yet meant a lot to me.
Meeting up with someone you haven't seen in quite a while can really lift your spirits, and this is especially true for me. I'm a very sociable person and I miss my friends a lot when they're not around. I hadn't seen this particular friend for months, which made meeting up with him even better. There is always so much to talk about when meeting up with someone you've missed, and I loved catching up!
#forabetterme

An Apology

As you know if you follow my snapchat, yesterday I apologized for being so inactive, basically everywhere. I realize I've been gone for a long time, and I've been away without giving you guys a reason, which I know was a douche move on my part.
During the spring, I've gone through a lot of personal things that I for different reasons have not mentioned on social media (and this will continue), and I've had a lot of personal time to think about what I want right now, and what I want in the future. I've realized a lot of things about myself and my life that need to, and are going to change, and that's why I've been gone for so long. Not really knowing who I am and what I want has made blogging very hard for me, since most of my blog posts are more or less personal and I felt like my posts wouldn't be as real as they should be unless I was sure about myself first.
I'm done thinking. I know what I want, and I'm going to go after it. I'm going out into the world, and I'm getting what I want and what I need for my life to work and for me to be happy witht the things I do.
I know a lot of you who read regularly, follow me on snapchat and on my instagram, are surprised and disappointed that I've been gone for so long. But I promise that will change. I'm a happier, more secure person now, and I intend to keep it that way. I've worked a lot on myself and I know what I need to do to be happy and reach my goals.
From now on, I promise you I'll put in more work to make content for you. I promise to work daily and not just whenever I like to, I'm going to improve my skills in planning, and I'm going to create more for you to read and enjoy. I hope you'll appreciate the changes and the improvements (and I hope that you're already starting to notice them).
Thank you all for your continued support through all of this!
~
And for those of you curious about my mentioned social media;
Instagram: @myspotsfordreams
Snapchat: @myspotfordreams

Poet

I wouldn't say the things I create
take a lot of skill
But I'm not like most poets
creating just by will
I create by purest passion
nothing more or less
Since while most poets are clean
I'm an utter mess
My mind races swiftly
from time to time
I find myself accused by many
comitting no crime
In my head the voices shout
sounding far and clear
And I sigh softly knowing
salvation can't be near

Day #133

The day is far from over and I've already chosen my favorite, good thing about today. During the morning, around 10-ish, I went into the city with my sister. We only had about two hours to spend before she had to be at her recital, and with such a small amount of time we had to choose wisely to do all the things we wanted. We went to out to eat, did some window shopping and sang along to songs in the car. It made me realise that I miss her a lot, and that I'm so busy with my own life that I don't appreciate her enough. I hear from her every day, that's something not everyone gets to say about their sister, and I know she cares a great deal about me.
I also got to see how much things around here are actually changing while I'm gone, since change is constant (almost) no matter where you are. I wish I was here more often so every change didn't seem like such a surprise. Hopefully I'll have more time to spend here during the next year.
To my sister; Thanks for giving me a funfilled couple of hours, and I hope we'll get to do it again while I'm staying with mom and dad during the summer!

An Early Mother's Day present

Since mother's day is celebrated this sunday, this wednesday I decided to do something out of the ordinary for me; I spontaneously booked train tickets to go home this weekend, to come see my mom (and of course my other family as well, but mostly mom) and yesterday I jumped on the train, taking on a 500 kilometre journey to come see them. My mother had no idea, since I planned the whole thing as a surprise, with my dad as an accomplice.
I loved seeing her this happy, and I don't regret taking the journey up here. I'm also having a lot of fun with my siblings. My brother has grown even taller, and now runs faster than me. I took my sister in to the city, she's now part of a theatre group and has a concert with her singing group during summer. I'm fascinated with how much things have changed here, and I'm really happy to be home again. I miss my apartment though, and I miss the lively city. I miss having everything close, and I miss my friends.
I love getting to spend time with my family for once, since I so rarely have the time to come home. I've even happily done the dishes, just because I could. I'm going to watch the hockey game in their company during the afternoon. I honestly don't think this could have gone any better, and I'm honestly sad that I have to go home so soon.

Wise

It's pulling me under
this sleep deprivation
In intelligence and art
lies my dedication
Life belongs to artristy
was my revelation

I'm exhausted with joy
this brain of mine
Bursting with new energy
crossing the line
My talents are many
let them shine

I break my back working
shoulders and hips
Words of great wisdom
leave my dry lips
But this wisdom of mine
life away chips

Day #132

Today was mostly spent on a train, going back home to surprise my mom for mother's day (and was she surprised!) but my day has been filled with a ton of positive things. I've done so much today, I went on a long trip (about 500 kilometres by train and then 20 by car), I went out for coffee with a friend, and I got to spend time with one of my favorite people in the world, who kept me company on the train.
I've never appreciated a friday this much in my entire life, and I doubt there will be one like it. I am, however, exhausted. Which I'm not really surprised about, but I look forward to falling to sleep. I feel like I've really made the most of today.
#forabetterme

Summer Plans

The older you get, the more your view of summer changes. When you're a kid, summer is all about running around aimlessly, having fun playing in the yard, long days in the sun playing with your friends. When you're a teenager, it's all about hanging out with people you like, being grateful for not having to go to school for a few months. When you're an adult, however, your view of summer changes from fun to something else.
Most adults who are attending some kind of school (university/college) use the summer for summer classes or for earning money to pay for your next year's studies. Many of my friends are going to spend the entire summer working, very few doing something they actually want to do, or like. Somehow, I find this very sad. I wish summers were still made for fun, not centered around how much you'll be able to earn, to keep your life afloat the following year.
I myself will of course be working as well, but I hope to still be able to find time for my friends and for improving myself this summer. I'm thinking of learning Russian/French/Mandarin or maybe some more German, reading several of the classics, and of course, working on improving my work online. I'm also hoping for time to continue to write my novel, which has been suffering a lot due to my stress and my tight schedule during this school year.
This summer, I'll be living at my parent's for part of it, since that's where I'll be working, and I really look forward to it. A lot of my friends still live at home, and I look forward to being able to spend time with them, I'm going to see a play my sister is starring in, and I'm going to spend so much time with my pets.
I'm looking forward to summer, I really am, even though the meaning of summer has changed a lot. I hope to have time for all the things I haven't had the time for, or the opportunity to do, when living in the city (which is a surprising amount of things), especially cuddling with my pets, since I'm not allowed to have any in my apartment.
I hope all of you have interesting summer plans as well!

Namnlös

Du är min musa
med den vackra rösten din
I dig bor själen den ljusa,
en vacker kontrast till min

Du får mig att tro
på allt det som är rent
I en värld där jag ej finner ro
är det kanske inte för sent

Som en ängel du är
nytt hopp är den gåva du ger
Mitt brustna hjärta du helar och bär
du är orsaken till att jag ler

Trött och sorgsen var jag
innan du omfamnade mig
Lycklig är den dag
då jag kan återgälda dig

Regndroppar

Regndroppar faller i mitt hår,
så svårt att tro att det är vår
när skuggan i mitt sinne är så stark
mina tankar grå som aspars bark

Hur ska jag fira att sommar är här
när huvudet såna dystra tankar bär
när jag är trött i kropp och i sinne
mörkrets odjur fördunklar mitt minne

Se hur jag skrattar, gläds och ler
men mitt ansikte lögner er ger
i mitt huvud är jag ändå tom
önskar och tänker "jag vill börja om"

Why I'm On Sick Leave

As everyone who reads this blog should know by now; I'm an enormous cluts. And I'm not using that term lightly. If there is something on the floor, I will trip over it. If there is nothing on the floor, I will trip over it. I will lie down in my bed and die from head trauma.
I'm currently on sick leave recommended by my doctor, which (to no-ones surprise) is because I fell. I was watching hockey at a friends house, and went to the bathroom, where I proceeded to fall and hit my head on their bathtub. Following that, I fainted, went to the hospital, got x-rayed and strapped to diffrent machines, after which I was told I had to spend the night at the hospital for safety reasons. Long story short: I fell and now I'm allowed to do absolutely nothing for three days straight.
Don't  worry though, I'm actually in pretty good shape. I'm perfectly capable of doing other things than just spending all of my time in bed. So no-one needs to panic about me, I'm doing fine.
I feel like I'm the only one to endure these types of things. Other people have a reason to be on sick leave; I just spent a few minutes in the bathroom.

Guardians of the Galay vol.2

A soon to be Marvel classic, Guardians of the Galaxy flew into our hearts about two and a half years ago, and finally we have another movie to follow the first, legendary movie. Of course, being a Marvel fan, I went to the movies to see it. And it was amazing.
After Rocket steals some powerful batteries from the even more powerful race called the Sovereign the Guardians plane gets shot down. Soon to follow their crashing, a mysterious ship lands close by, with only two passangers. The male passanger introduces himself as Ego, revealing his identity to be Peter Quill's (Starlord's) father. Gamora, Peter and Drax decides to visit Ego's planet while Rocket, baby Groot and the captured Nebula (Gamora's sister) stay behind to repair the ship. While on Ego's planet, they get to know Mantis, a young alien woman with the power to change and sense other's emotions by touch.
Starlord quickly bonds with his father, learning that Ego is an ancient sentient being with amazing powers. However, something is not well, and the young Mantis soon tells Drax the horrible secret Ego is harboring, and the plan that will eliminate life as we know it.
Getting positive reviews almost all over the internet, it is no surprise that I as well speak in favor of this movie, being as great as the previous one. The humor, the characters and the plot fall together to make a close to perfect creation.
A true must-watch for any sci-fi or Marvel fan!